Mar 24, 2007

Numb?

My life is a whirlwind of emotion right now. Some days I'm on such a high, and others I think it's all going to crap. I know God will provide and that He has me on this path, but my darn flesh just feels the need to worry and doubt...and it's hard to say no. Today, though, I feel nothing...I like it. Is that good or bad? I just need a break from being emotional! I just need a break from all the craziness going on in my life right now. To feel numb; to feel nothing.


Then I wouldn't hurt so much to not be in Ukraine right now. Then I wouldn't hurt when people don't understand/support me. Then I wouldn't worry whether the money will come in at set time. Then I wouldn't overthink everything and end up doing nothing. ...BUT... Then I wouldn't feel the thrill of having someone say yes. Then I wouldn't feel the passion that fuels me to get there. Then I wouldn't feel the relief and peace that comes from finally asking someone to understand. Then I wouldn't feel the joy that God gives me no matter what's going on.


Thus is the life of a support-raising missionary.


4 comments:

lp said...

um...
i love you.

and that's a super cute pic.

Anonymous said...

I was where you are 2 years ago!!! God wants you in the Ukraine!! He also wants you there right now!!! Embrace the gift of being in the States right now. He has something for you there right now! Look for it with expectation! It may just be a small "whisper" or a grand "windstorm". His timing is perfect. Our emotions are not. Rest in HIS goodness!

Love you sis!

Alice

Valentyna Stohova said...

I'm sorry you're going through this.
and you are right: we can't feel the joy, or appreciate things, if our hearts will not be sensitive, being hurt. I believe we become better people going through times like that.
We need you here in Ukraine, so I will pray harder for you. tomorrow prepares for us something, we don't know today.
Cheer up, sis:)

Anonymous said...

Brit, God is with you every minute of every day. He loves you and understands you better than anyone. You are doing his work, and even though some don't truly understand or appreciate what your mission in life is, doesn't mean that they don't support YOU.. You are loved!! Faith in yourself and in God is key, the rest will come!