Oct 4, 2006

i DESERVE more! ...wait...

Why do I look at some people and get angry at them for what they have? Why do I feel like I deserve so much or at least just as much as others, when in actuality all I deserve is hell? Why can't I rejoice in other peoples' blessings and constantly praise God for what I DO have?

Grace. Tonight I really got hit by a message on God's grace and how He doesn't just give it to those who are the "good", cookie-cutter Christians but to everyone, even those we think may not deserve it. Pride is such an enemy of us all, thinking that the Lord should bless me more because I think I've given more, worked harder, suffered more, or whatever.
"For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified freely by His grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus." (Romans 3:23-24)

Today I wasn't able to be happy for someone that got engaged. I was almost angry! I just have such a deep desire to have that: to be married and have a family. It just hurts a little when I see kids get what I have wanted for so long. Ok...so they aren't kids...but they are much younger than I am. I want to be happy for them and feel that joy! I want to be genuine when saying, Congratulations! Don't get me wrong, I'm not bitter about every one my friends that are married, but there are those moments when it's harder.

I have contentment...at least I think I do. I know God has me where I am for a reason. I know I'm single for a reason. I have a true heart's desire to be more, and can only continue to pray for God's will in my life: whether that is being single or with someone. I am thankful. I am blessed. Blessed beyond belief! God provides in mighty ways for me everyday. Some days are just more cloudy than others. Today had a bit of an overcast, but I'm hoping for clear skies tomorrow.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

well said my friend.
love your honesty.

your word on grace is good. i often think i deserve more cuz i have 'given more,' etc. but, have i? what a joke am i! i deserve absolutely nothing!

God does bless people through relationsihps...but, he also protects you. God is protecting your heart. it's rare and beautiful...and not just any one will do for my debra.