Feb 3, 2007

This is Hard

I'm currently sitting on a cardboard bed in a creepy hotel room in Wichita, Kansas. I am supposed to be in Edmond, Oklahoma, but it got so late that I just couldn't make it. It's been such a long day! I miss Bob. I really need him right now. This driving long distance is hard without him. Also, I’m looking quite lovely. I look like I should be on one of those "Got Meth?" billboards…I left Palmer Lake, CO at about 1:30pm (Colorado time) and didn't get here until 12:30am (Arkansas time). Needless to say, I'm exhausted...physically, mentally, and emotionally.

Today I said goodbye. Well, if you want to get picky, I said a "healthy goodbye" to everyone at SPLICE yesterday, but today was the official leaving-goodbye. It was so hard, yet not quite as heart-wrenching as I imagined it would be...the healthy goodbyes helped. Ok, I will explain...yesterday we had a session on "Saying Healthy Goodbyes" when you leave for the field. In order to put into practice what we learned, we had to go to every person in the program and say a goodbye. I pretty much cried through the entire day. It was so good, though. I got to tell everyone how much I loved them and how much they had impacted my life in whatever way. I was so encouraged! So many wonderful words were spoken into me, and it felt so good to tell those that I have grown to love and respect how much they mean to me.

THUS doing the goodbyes last night helped make leaving today a tad bit easier. The session this morning was amazing! I was encouraged, challenged, convicted, and moved. Robin (one of the guys leading SPLICE) is amazing. He is so real and up front, not sugar-coating anything. I love it. The worship this morning was beautiful; I cried through most of it. As Holly and I drove away, listening to Wild Thing by Tone-Loc (we thought it was funny), and seeing Robin continue to jump up and down waving frantically at us, I cried. As I saw Stevo, Sarah, and the kids drive off, I cried. As Holly and I waved and watched Mike and Alicia exit the interstate and drive off, I cried. As I walked away from Holly at Barnes & Noble, I cried. Man, today was a hard day. I started my drive, and surprisingly I was fine. No more tears...until...I called Brooke because I told her I would on my way back home. I was fine at first, then all of a sudden,as Brooke was talking about work, I started bawling. I word vomited all over the phone until I finally decided to let her go, blow my nose, and eat some dinner. Then...I started to laugh. I surprise myself sometimes at my sporadic laughing! I felt such joy yet such sadness...oh, the paradox (that one's for you Heather). Joy because I am so blessed to have just gone through what I have gone through the past month in Colorado. The people, the training, the mountains, the snow, the fellowship, the community, the support, the prayers, the walks, the sledding, the confusion and hurt, the drives, the jokes, the food, the tears, the games, the music, the laughter, the joy.

Will I see these people ever again? Some, yes (reunion in Croatia!); most, I have no idea. I am truly blessed.


lizz said...

well stated. it's so good to love deeply...even though it makes it harder to part ways. it's better than not loving at all.... (i must remind myself of this much as of late...although i feel my circumstances are slighlty different than yours). anywho....i love you much.

molly ruff said...

brittney!! I really miss you... That is soooo great about your mom giving you grapenuts! hahahahah i love that! Yes I wanted to call you too, my number is 704 651 2873! give me a call, I want to hear how coming home has been for you.

Kimberly said...

Hey Brittney! Great post! Are you tired of people asking how CO was? I am... I never really know what to say. Usually I just say, "It was pretty intense." But sometimes that doesn't seem to do it justice. I hope you're able to recuperate today before you have to go back to work Monday. Love ya!