Livin' It Up!

AS TUPAC WOULD SAY, "THINGS CHANGED, & THAT'S THE WAY IT IS."

2012-01-23T22:25:00.000-06:00

An old friend asked me yesterday what it means to move forward and how I do it. Such a big question from someone whom I haven't talked to in quite a few years. Yet, I found the answer rolled right off my tongue. Rather than allowing the answer to be entangled with postulations of hopes and grandeur, I let it set as simple and succinct. Continue to do what is in front of me and tackle the challenges (emotional or otherwise) as they come. He complimented me on how self-aware that seems, and how sure I am. I laughed, as I feel quite far from self-awareness and even farther from being "sure."

A lot has changed in the past couple months. I am no longer under the protective umbrella of my sister and brother-in-law, of my parents home, of the simplicity and flexibility of substitute teaching, and of my emotional baby-steps bubble. I'm a big girl now. Within a couple of weeks I was interviewing, accepting, and starting a position at the largest university in Arkansas (a position in which I had no idea what I was doing...still working on that); moving out of the baby-step-into-the-world apartment situation with my friend and into my own apartment; paying deposits and setting up electricity and internet services; buying furniture that I have never bought before in my life; pulling my old business-casual wardrobe out of storage (hoping everything still fit); and facing the reality that it was time to take a giant leap into my new present, whether I was ready or not.

I was so afraid that I would not survive such a huge set of big changes all at once. I became a bit paralyzed by fear, blinding me to the possibilities this new start could bring. Yet, here I am, sitting on my "new" hand-me-down couch, surviving. Fear still creeps in; panic attacks ensue. I just have to pray harder those days. Somehow God has covered me so far, and continues to strip away the fear and renew the hope in me I once felt.

So, this is me, moving forward. Embracing that I am going to feel completely lost, insecure, and incompetent at my job for the time that I'm learning how to do it. But that will pass...it already has a little. (p.s. If anyone needs information on Federal Financial Aid for college, I'm your gal!) That's what's in front of me right now. Allowing myself to feel excited, with a little scared at times, about having my own apartment, decorating it, and paying for it. That's what's in front of me right now. Learning to be more disciplined in my time management and other areas of life, as I'm WAY more tired these days and have more responsibility. That's what's in front of me right now. Talking with God and loved ones through the emotions of fear, anxiety, and distrust that have come up from past wounds and the process of being on my own again. That's what's in front of me right now. Those are my challenges. I don't succeed in them every day, but at least I'm trying. At least I'm moving forward.

NOT TO BE TRUSTED

2012-01-17T13:19:00.000-06:00

Ok, so this morning my stupid phone said it was 50 something degrees outside, with a high in the 60s today. Wanting to be sure, I refreshed it several times, checking the day was correct and location. All seemed to check out ok, so I believed it. Thinking it would be a warmer day (and knowing I hate being hot), I put on capris and a light jacket. I get outside and it's FREEZING...literally 30 degrees. STUPID PHONE! I didn't have time to go back in and change because I have to get to the parking lot by a certain time to get a spot. I decided to look up the weather at the office, and what did I see. Oh just that it's 32 degrees outside, with a high of 39 today. I felt like such an idiot walking to the office in my "skimpy" outfit, while everyone else was wearing their appropriate coats, scarves, and gloves. I'm never trusting my phone AGAIN! At least not in the morning's when planning my outfit for the day is concerned.

IT'S TIME...CATCHING UP

2012-01-14T13:44:00.002-06:00

I'll admit it. I have been avoiding posting a new entry on my blog because I loved the "Ode to Felicity" post SO MUCH that I didn't want anyone to miss it. Alas, I know now, *sigh*, that it is time to move on and share all that's been going on post-Felicity.

The baby shower has come and gone. Christmas has come and gone. My sister and brother-in-law have come and gone. New Year's Celebrations have come and gone. With all that to say, so much has happened! 2012 for sure is a year of new beginnings for me. I'll talk more about that in my next post. To catch up, I'll give you some fun pictures to highlight the comings and goings over the past month.

My mom had knee surgery. Isn't she cute?! She's all good now, no worries.

Roommate Christmas presents!! Yes, I made Kristen a collage of our Ode to Felicity pictures. JEALOUS?!

Kristen's Christmas costume--for a Christmas party--I helped her paint. I drew these two, and Kristen painting the whole thing. Ya, we're super creative...and pretty. Sure, I may have gotten a little OCD with it, but it was so much fun!

The final product! She was a Target gift card premiering Milton Bradley games.

Cookie Exchange party with the NCC girls! So many treats, so little stomach capacity.

Making our traditional Boatman Christmas cookies

Baby Shower time!! Love this picture! Lacee and I both made Ben's Scrabble pieces; kind of a gift for Garrett, as he loves him some Scrabble/Words with Friends. I did the animal paintings, with some guidance from Kristen; she was a huge help picking colors. It was SO MUCH FUN to give Brooke these special, home-made gifts.

The Amazing Kinney girls who helped SO MUCH!! That's Lacee in the middle--my partner in crime--and to her left is her mom, who did all the AMAZING center pieces for the tables. Maybe I'll do another post with just pictures from the shower.

Keepin' it real. Doing a little practice posing before the family photo.

It'll do

Favorite picture of Christmas!!!

Molly & Abby opening their presents. Yes, they actually open their presents. It's amazing. Our dogs are brilliant. At least Molly is...Abby is, well, more street-smart, scrappy & resourceful.

Large Family Christmas! In Texas with my mom's side of the family. We haven't all gotten together like this in a while. This picture is also a game! It's called "Where's Jim?!" kinda like "Where's Waldo." It's fun.

With my grandpa (mom's dad) for Christmas. No game in this one unfortunately.

There is a woman in Burkburnett, TX who makes these huge displays and sets them out for Christmas every year. She adds a new one each year as well. I love going to see them! They are AMAZING! This woman is super talented; she does everything herself: cutting the wood, drawing, painting, and installing the lights. Amazing. Finally I decided to take pictures.

The Lion, Witch, & the Wardrobe: The Chronicles of Narnia. One of my favorites. So intricate! No, that's not a photograph; it's a painting. Blowing your mind, huh.

OK! Well, that should just about do it for now. I promise to post a link to more Baby Shower and Christmas pictures. There are some good ones, believe me. Now, on to other news...

ODE TO FELICITY

2011-12-06T17:04:00.002-06:00

We only have four more episodes before it's over. The end of an era. The end of Felicity. As Kristen's (my roommate) and my time of watching Felicity comes to a close, we wanted to share with you our journey. As portrayed in this montage, these are the emotions we have experienced on this Felicity, roller coaster ride of greatness. To Felicity:

It started out as a mere television show we could watch together as awesome roommates.

We laughed, "Oh silly Javier!"

We were outraged, "No, Felicity, you're an idiot! Choose Noel!"

We cried, "What's wrong with you, Ben? We hate you...but we love you."

We enjoyed cups of coffee as if we were there at Dean & Deluca.

We were shocked, "She's dropping pre-med for art?!"

We were moved, "He still loves her, even after all this time."

We were confused, "The Twilight Zone episode: What the crap was that?"

We were disgusted, "Yep, Elena is a ho."

We celebrated, "Felicity & Noel are finally together! He's the greatest!"

We created our own lyrics to the Felicity theme song during the first two seasons, when there were no lyrics. We could've made some sweet cash if this were 1998.

*in a whisper, as only Felicity would do it*
"Dear Sally..."

THANKSGIVING FIRSTS

2011-11-30T10:53:00.001-06:00

This Ohio Thanksgiving was a first for our family. Since Brooke & Garrett moved to Ohio (blech), they could not make the trip to Arkansas for Thanksgiving and Christmas. SO we decided to bring Thanksgiving to them! It was super low-key, which is awesome as I'm not big on the stressful, elaborate celebrations. Give me some good food and good people, and I am satisfied. That is just what we did. Besides our traditional Meme's Sweet Potatoes (yes, they deserve to be capitalized), we kept things simple with ham, spinach salad, dressing, and rolls. My mom, Brooke, and I went and saw a movie while the guys watched football--constantly. It was great!

THE from-scratch candied sweet potatoes--no cans used here!

Brooke learning to make my Great Grandma's chicken & dressing

Permanent positions for 5 days straight

Chowin' down

The rest of our trip, however, was more chalked-full. Black Friday Brooke had THE ultrasound, the big one when we found out the gender of the baby. Brooke & Garrett are having a BOY! We were surprised, as my parents and I were convinced she was having a girl. We're all so excited and are anxiously anticipating the arrival of Benjamin James Rea! SO...Friday and Saturday were packed full of shopping for lil Ben. We got the crib, a basically free changing table, car seat, stroller frame, toddler car seat (it was on sale, so why not), and a bouncer/swing thingy. Brooke also started her baby registries at Babies R Us (.com) and Target! It was super fun. She let me hold the gun scanner thing and scan stuff...yes, I am a child. I also could not help myself and purchased a couple super cute outfits, so Ben is stylin' it up right. *sigh* It was so fun. It was hard to leave them Sunday morning, to take the 13.5-hour drive back to Arkansas, but the trip was more than worth it. I am excited for them to come in December and for a BIG baby shower!

Some Hobby Lobby shopping fun

My silly mother

Before

During

The grunt work...Garrett and I were the photographers, an essential role.

See I helped!

My mom was so excited to have it put together.

After

Before

After

Happy parents-to-be!

This is Baby. A super cute monkey given by Lacee Knoedl

A silly Max showing how easy it is for one to get one's head stuck.

The BEST BIB EVER I got when I was in England a couple Springs ago.

The bouncer swing thingy that my mom could not help buying...yes, it is super cute. Agreed!

The Final Baby Shower Invite!

Ben will be stylin' in these diggs.

Let me introduce you to Mr. Benjamin James Rea. He's waving "hi!"...at least in my mind he is.

KRISTEN & BRITTNEY'S DAY OF FUN!!

2011-11-20T22:59:00.000-06:00

My roommate, Kristen, and I are basically tons 'o fun. That's right, anyone would be lucky to share a two-bedroom with either of us. With that said, we like to go out, kick up our heels (or chacos, depending on the occasion), and take pictures of our antics. Here are some photos to tell the story of our beautiful times together. Granted, this is merely a taste, for no amount of photos can truly capture our fun-ness. Enjoy.

Gotta start every "Day of Fun!" off with the right breakfast

Doing a little shopping...get it, "little"?! Cause the outfit is little, like for a toddler.

Trying out the hooded towels

Kristen modeling a stroller, car seat combo, as we do baby research for my sister

Scary mobil

Roommate Painting Day!

Nothing like browning meat that brings two friends together

...and grating cheese

...and enjoying a lovely meal together

Cheers!

This could be an ad campaign for awesome, super fun roommates.

This is my sweet smile!

We LOVE Hobby Lobby & the sweet sweet treasures one can find there...like gigantic pumpkins

I have a "healthy" addiction to s'mores, so it was hard to resist buying all these cute mugs.

More Hobby Lobby love.

IF YOU COULD DO ANYTHING...

2011-11-15T23:00:00.000-06:00

If you could have any--and I mean ANY--job in the world, what would you do? I asked my roommate this today, and I had a hard time answering. I either go the direction of fantastical and unrealistic (like being on Broadway) or utterly boring and predictable. Sure, I have dreams of doing things, but, as far as a job/career goes, I have no idea what I want to do. I want to keep my thoughts of options attainable yet aspirational. That's where I become stumped. I have a hard time coming up with truly believing I could do something other than what I have done or have experience in. "You can do anything!" I've always been told. But, I have a hard time believing that, in this real world, in which one can not survive on "anything." Just thinking.

So...now I ask you, whoever reads this: If you could have any job in the world, what would you do?

WEATHER SCHIZOPHRENIA

2011-11-14T08:55:00.001-06:00

Yesterday and today have been a warm 70something degrees, humid, and super windy. Last week it was rainy with a chilly 40-50 degrees. Wednesday or Thursday (of this week), it is supposed to go back in to the 50s with possible freezing temps at night. What the crap?! Seriously, pick a season! It is November, almost Thanksgiving, but outside it's April. Annoying. I love love LOVE Fall weather...the chilly--but not too cold--weather that finally merits comfortably wearing a long-sleeve shirt of sorts with jeans, a cute scarf, and close-toed shoes. I also hate humidity....or rather, my hair hates humidity. I'd like it to stay in the 50s, be chilly, sometimes sunny sometimes overcast, and lovely. I want it to be brisk outside, so you can bundle up in a hooded sweatshirt and pants (of course, don't be silly), and go for a walk to enjoy the beautiful foliage that Northwest Arkansas provides in abundance. *sigh* It's during these annoying, unpredictable, Arkansas-weather months that I miss being in Europe. By now, it's been snowing over there--or at least super close to it. Predictable, chilly, scarf-wearing weather. Give me that.

SOME DAYS

2011-11-09T14:41:00.000-06:00

Somedays you just have to stop, stop doing the monotonous, everyday activities that create your daily schedule. Somedays you need a break from either the job you love or hate. Today is that day for me. I woke up at 5:45 AM and decided I couldn't do it today. I needed a break. Instead I am working from home on something that supplies excitement and happiness to my soul: my sister's baby shower invitations. It's not the actual designing of the invites--though I do thoroughly enjoy designing--but rather the event we are celebrating that gets me excited. I can not wait to be an aunt to my twin sister's baby. Yep, pretty sure that kid's going to be spoiled rotten...but not in a people saying, "man, that kid is spoiled, unruly, and gets away with anything" sort of way...more in a "I'm going to love him/her SO HARD that he/she will never ever question it. Anyway...that is what I am doing today. I think that's worth a break. Don't you?

Here's some sample invitations, as I haven't decided on the final choice. I'd love to hear your feedback! Which one do you like the best? (note: these are all gender neutral, as we don't know the gender yet...and Brooke loves green)

Not my favorite

Cute and Simple

One of my favorites (note: part of the left side will get cut off, which is why the table spills out of the margin a bit)

A variation of the one above. Brooke & Garrett also love cows.

Another favorite... but I'm afraid it's too busy. Maybe I'll take away the bow?

A variation of the one above... no legs, just presents.

AN APPETIZER

2011-11-05T22:57:00.000-05:00

I have started two blog posts, and have yet to complete them. THUS I can not post them at this time. However, I will give you this tasty morsel to chew on (aka "watch", as you can not literally "chew on" a youtube video) while you anticipate my next few posts. Enjoy!

This is my favorite song by my favorite Ukrainian band. Just listen to it, even though you may not understand it. It's lovely.

REMINISCING

2011-10-21T11:31:00.001-05:00

I had a "Day of Rememberance" yesterday. Not on purpose, mind you; it just happened. In the first Algebra class I had of the subbing day, there was a student from Djubouti. He was pretty cool, and we chatted a bit about living in another country. We got on google maps, as he wanted to show me his house on the vast African continent. We found it. Crazy! Technology today. As he went back to working on his x & y-intercepts worksheet, I continued to explore Google Earth. I couldn't help but check out my former home in Lviv, Ukraine. It was weird at first, as it's hard for me to think of being back there, but then I was flooded with sweet memories of walking to the outdoor markets & the parks, trying my Ukrainian at the corner store, exploring new streets, trying out a new cafe, and wandering around the souvenir market buying another superfluous pair of earrings. I found myself missing it. I actually miss my apartment, the privacy and ownership of it. I miss speaking Ukrainian most of all. I actually had the opportunity to speak some Ukrainian in class yesterday. Granted it was to show an insubordinate student that I too could speak a language he didn't understand. My desired outcome was accomplished with the added bonus of getting to flex my Ukrainian language muscles that I worked so hard to hone. I really miss speaking, understanding, and reading Ukrainian. I miss a lot of things--besides the obvious wonderful friends I have there--about Ukraine, which left me surprised and a little sad yesterday. Isn't it funny how we long for something different-- something that maybe we used to have--when we are in one place, but when we are given what we longed for, we actually then long for what we had? Such emotional and fickle creatures we are.

This is where I lived:

View Larger Map

REFERRAL

2011-10-13T11:08:00.000-05:00

Sometimes when I am bored with my life I turn to view others' lives via reading their blogs. Today I came across a post by "Barista Bruce" (apparently his blog name) on "Jamie the very worst missionary"'s blog. I have no idea who this guy is, but I thoroughly enjoyed what he had to say. I found it relevant not only to me but others who have experience in ministry as a career/job and have been a bit burnt out by it in some way. It's not necessarily cynical but rather redemptive...in my opinion. I liked it a lot. Read it.

The post:
"Missionary Positions: How a Barista Does It"

GETTING RE-CONNECTED

2011-10-13T10:14:00.001-05:00

My dad is having his reconnection surgery today. Before, the doctors "installed" an ileostomy bag in/on my dad (if you don't know what that is & are curious, go here), so today they are taking that off and reconnecting his colon to its rightful place. He's excited to be rid of the bag and feel normal again...whatever that means. The surgery should take about 3 hours, but that's what they said last time and the surgery ended up taking 6 hours. PRAY everything goes well! He needs something to go right medically for once. Something positive.

My crazy parents

BEST. SURPRISE. EVER!!

2011-10-10T22:20:00.000-05:00

Saturday (two days ago) I was surprised with a visit from my twin sister, Brooke, and bro-in-law, Garrett, whom two months ago moved to Findlay, Ohio aka Far Far Away. Apparently they had been planning this for a while, and I never knew. This weekend was their fall break (they both teach at the University of Findlay), and I was under the impression that they were going on a mini-vacation to the mountains near Pennsylvania. So on Friday I am gmail chatting away with Garrett asking about their plans and about skyping with them on Saturday. All the while they were about to get on a plane to Arkansas. I was completely blindsided; I had absolutely no idea.

I have never been so surprised my entire life. It was awesome and very very weird at the same time! Saturday morning I was sitting on the back porch at my parents' house drinking coffee with the padres when all of a sudden the back door started to open. I was immediately freaked out because I for sure know neither Molly nor Abby (the dogs) have yet learned how to open doors using the handle...notice I said "yet." Anyway...the door opened and out came Garrett. I was literally stunned. I sat frozen not knowing what was happening. I looked around because I seriously felt like I was either A) still dreaming or B) going to pass out. It was the weirdest yet most wonderful feeling in the world! Then Brooke came out, my parents proceeded to the traditional hugging ceremony, and I remained stunned unable to speak. Finally, after realizing that the event taking place truly was not a dream, I started crying overwhelmed by the surprise and excitement of having them home.

I have missed my sister and brother-in-law so very much. Words actually can not truly express how much. I lived with them here in Arkansas for 11 months after coming back from Ukraine, which was one of the hardest years of my life. They took me in--providing free room and board--and not only helped counsel me through the year of hell but also helped bring me back to life. We also laughed so much and have solidified some of the best inside jokes one could imagine. No, seriously, we're hilarious. Of course, though, you will never quite understand as you had to be there. Too bad because, as I said, we're hilarious.

They go back to Ohio tomorrow...blah...but I feel so very special that they came. Anytime together, little or long, is better than nothing. Skype is amazing, but you just can't beat in-person. I am soooooo happy they came! I love being surprised!! BEST! SURPRISE!! EVER!!!

WHEN I WAS YOUR AGE

2011-10-03T09:35:00.001-05:00

I am officially at the age when people say "When I was your age..." Or at least I'm in the position, as a substitute teacher, to say such things. Subbing for a middle school Pre-Algebra class, the inital question the students asked me was, "Do you know how to do this [Pre-Algebra]?" My response, "I did back in the day." I wish we had a computer system hooked up to our memories that allowed us to look up the folder in which certain memories or past information is stored. For example, I could go to the 7th grade, Pre-Algebra folder and find the stored information, allowing me to remember everything I learned at that time. I wish this existed rather than the faint memories I have of fuzzy algebraic-type expressions that I haven't even thought about since my freshman year in college. Sorry, kids. I'll try to help but can't make any promises.

I also had an interesting debate with some high school students last week about cell phones in school. I am COMPLETELY AGAINST students using--or even having--cell phones on school property. The boundaries become blurred the more they are allowed to "just text" or "just listen to music with one ear phone in" while at lunch or in-between classes. There is no need for a cell phone at school. What if there is an emergency?! Use the office phone. Come on. This is a battle a teacher should not have to fight, but I do every day. Moving on....One student proceeded to ask, "Well, did you get to use your cell phone in high schoool?!" My answer, of course, shocked the kids at how old I truly am, "We didn't have cell phones when I was your age." A collective *gasp!* filled the classroom. With a sigh, I explained that cell phones existed but were not something that all kids had. They were for emergencies. My parents had one, and I got to take it when I was driving somewhere far away or was on a softball trip...again, only to be used for emergencies. More blank stares with being completely baffled by such a thought. Yes, I am offiicially old in the eyes of 10th graders, who think not having a cell phone is the most ridiculous thing in the world. I am offiicially at that age when people say, "I miss the good ole days when..." and "When I was your age..."

MOM, LOOK AT ME!

2011-10-01T22:27:00.002-05:00

Thought it was time for a new look. Something a little more quirky and colorful. As, today, I'm feeling quirky and colorful.

DEAR SALLY...

2011-09-26T21:56:00.001-05:00

There's something about a haircut that revitalizes the spirit. In my opinion, anyway. It almost feels like a fresh new beginning. A new you! It's almost as if, along with cutting off of the old, dry locks, the old, dry you gets cut off too. A feeling of levity and lightness (is that a word?) abound! There's a desire--nay an extreme urging--to fill out the full potential this new style, look, feeling requires and inspires! An opportunity arrises to cut off the pounds, stress, regrets, laziness, burdens, sins, or whatever may hinder your growth and move into a new time...much like how one's hair grows healthier and faster with trimming. It can be equated to a healthy trimming of oneself. A fresh new beginning. A new you!

I got my hair cut today. I like it.

NEW DIGGS

2011-09-24T18:47:00.000-05:00

IT's FALL!! At least in my mind it is. The weather has stayed put in the 60s & 70s this past week, raining, and being just cozy. Granted I have been sick the past 5 days and haven't really been outside, but still. I have enjoyed it from inside the comfort of my new living situation.

This is our deck. Very cozy and cute.

I am currently living in Fayetteville, AR in a fabulous apartment with my friend Kristen. She needed a roommate for 5 months while her sister is studying in Costa Rica, so I humbly obliged. It is huge. I'm pretty sure I have the better deal, as my closet is big enough to be another bedroom. I happily live here, helping Kristen out with rent, while I can. Since I work in Rogers--the commute is kicking my gas budget's rear--it's been a but difficult to get up earlier than I would usually need to, but it's worth it.

Today, I ventured out of the apartment (as afore mentioned, I have been sick and therefore holed up in the apartment for five days), bought a few groceries, and now lounging/blogging on our deck. It's lovely. I am thoroughly enjoying this new place. AND I LOVE FALL!! I love overcast, 69 degree days!! Welcome back Fall! I greet you with open arms and much adoration.

BE STILL & WAIT -OR- ENOUGH WAITING & MOVE

2011-08-23T14:39:00.000-05:00

I feel as if I am currently in a waiting room--figuratively of course...I'm not blogging at the dentist. Now that school has started I am back to substitute teaching, which I am so thankful for! It is so nice to have something productive to do each day and to be making money. However, I don't feel like I'm really, honestly doing anything or being ME. I'm not settled in a job. I do technically live in an apartment in Fayetteville, for which I have paid August rent, but it's temporary...I will not live here for more than 4 or 5 months (my friend's sister/permanent roommate is studying abroad for a semester and will be back in December). After December what happens then? Do I just bump from town to town subbing here and there? I have been applying and interviewing for more permanent, full-time jobs, with no "hired!" outcomes. I am left confused as to what to do next. I am still plugging away, sending out applications, trying to keep an open mind about different areas to work in, different type of jobs I may be good at or that I would like to try. However, I feel my efforts are half-hearted. I just feel like I'm surviving...definitely not thriving. How do I go from survive to thrive?

Part of me feels like I just need to pack up and move away...away from my Arkansas comfort zone. Mind you, this is WAY easier to say than to actually do. I have gone as far as to apply for jobs out of the state--the outcomes you can deduce from this and previous posts. Brooke and Garrett are persevering in their persuasive techniques geared toward getting me to move to Findlay, Ohio, where they have just moved. They tempt me with a temporary place to stay, fun times, closeness to my best friend/sister, and a fresh start...a clean slate in a brand new, totally random place. I am so very tempted. I don't really care about Ohio as a state...never had a deep-seeded desire to become a Buckeye. Findlay is also definitely not an exciting, booming metropolis of a city. It is, however, a cheap, cool (weather-wise, of course; this Southern heat is killing me!) place to baby-step away from my comfort zone. I don't know. ON THE OTHER HAND I don't want to move there because it seems I may just be following Brooke and Garrett wherever they go. Been there, done that in one way or another in my life, and I don't want to do that again. I want to do Me; go somewhere for Me. The current issue is now, though, that I don't really know what I want to do or where I want to go. I'm still trying to figure out who "Me" is on top of that.

Maybe I should move to Indiana, Pennsylvania, Kentucky, Michigan, or West Virginia? Yes, I did just list all the states bordering Ohio. I'm lame. I've thought tons about moving to Colorado. Before movign to Ukraine, I said that if I ever moved back to America I'd like to live in Colorado. So...I have applied at several jobs there. I've researched cities in which I may like to live. I even have a close friend who is also wanting--and planning!--to move there. That's as far as I've gotten, though. I'm such a wuss!! I mean, 4 years ago I quit my job, sold all my crap, and moved to Ukraine!! Another freakin' continent and eight time zones away! Talk about taking a giant leap out of one's comfort zone! YET I have a panic attack just thinking about packing up my car and moving to Ohio or Colorado. Same continent and only an 11-13 hour DRIVE away. I'm ridiculous. Somewhere along the way I have lost my gumption and have become content with merely surviving rather than thriving. This Stella needs to get her groove back!

So...now that I have given myself a pep talk/kick-in-the-pants via blog post, what do I do now? Do I persevere in subbing, trying to find my niche from home and continue waiting for the desires of my heart to be made known? -OR- Do I stop waiting, move away--risking not only comfort but also cash flow--to start anew and go looking for what the desires of my heart could be? Neither seem wrong. Both seem scary in one way or another. AH!! WWSD (What Would Stella Do)?!! Ah ha! Always the right answer = Jesus. J

CAN I TAKE A MESSAGE?

2011-08-19T22:12:00.001-05:00

Is it weird that I like being the secretary, the admin assistant, the office worker? I just love answering phones, taking messages, asking "can I help you", answering people's questions, and clicking around on the computer like I know what I'm doing and am an important person within this establishment. I think I have a complex of sorts. I really like to be the person who knows what's going on and who can point you in the right direction. I like the power the knowledge gives me. Huh...yep, I have control issues. I think that's one reason I liked being an Admissions Counselor. I had all this information about a college, which this person or that knew nothing about, and I got to share it with students and parents all while helping them choose their future higher educational institution. I made a difference in people's lives....I also got to go on trips! But that's not a control/power-trip issue, more of my desire for experiencing new things and the need for creativity in my life....a topic for another time.... I think I also like the normalcy of the job, the consistency, the structure, and predictability. For sure there are crazy times with the occasional tricky situation to throw things a little off balance. Overall, though, it is the same. I know what to expect. I like the pattern of it all. Like I said...I have a complex.

Today I subbed in the main office at one of Rogers' middle schools--your favorite and mine--Oakdale. I LOVE working in the office! I always have. Ever since I was an 8th grader at Oakdale and got to be an office aid. THEN I worked as an Attendance office aid in high school. *sigh* It's so fun. I got to answer the phone, "Oakdale Middle School" (though the first few times I said, "Oakdale Junior High" as it used to fondly be named...until I was corrected by a teacher--whom with I actually went to high school. Crazytown!), in a confident and friendly declarative yet giving the obvious interrogative tonal lean of "how may I help you?" without actually having to say it. Ya, I'm that good. I liked knowing exactly where students/parents could get their slip to sign up for their gym clothes and how much each piece costs. The icing on the cake was learning and perfecting the use of the school-wide intercom. Oh, it was quite a treat when I got to call a student to the office. Oh how I like to work in the office.

I'm so....weird.

GOOD NEWS OR BAD NEWS?

2011-08-13T13:40:00.003-05:00

The past three weeks have been doozies! My life has been twist-turned upside down, and not in the hip-hop, cheesy sitcom "Fresh Prince of Bel Air" sort of way. It has been a mixture of awful and sweet. This is why I haven't blogged or been in touch with anyone lately .... just couldn't muster the time, strength, or right words to convey all that's been happening. SO...this is me trying now: (let's start with the bad news so as to end on a positive note!)

BAD NEWS:
--My dad was in the hospital for a little over a week. He had surgery on his bladder and colon: there was a hole in his bladder causing all sorts of infection and nastiness; part of his colon was eaten up with infection & had to be removed (about 11 inches removed); then he had to have a stint put in his left kidney because he has multiple kidney stones in both kidneys=not good. OK, so he got out of the hospital, super weak, but feeling better.
--During all the craziness with my dad, Brooke & Garrett were in the process of moving. Emotions were high as we tried to split our time between helping them move and loving on them for their last two weeks in Arkansas AND visiting and loving on/taking care of my dad while he was in the hospital. It was so hard and a super super stressful time.
--I have been "gracefully declined" from every job I have applied for and interviewed thus far...well, except for subbing...which continues to hit me hard.
--Brooke and Garrett moved to Ohio August 5.
--My mom and I got stuck in the Toledo Airport for hours because our flight home continued to be delayed...THEN...got stuck in Chicago causing me to miss my job interview in Tulsa.
--Since my dad got his catheter out (Wednesday) he's been super sick...running a high fever then sweating it out, throwing up anything he tries to put in his system, super weak and dizzy (I'm figuring from dehydration), and in pain because of the kidney stones. To top it off, now the doctor thinks he has a bladder infection, which is common when people get catheters out. My dad does not need this right now...not with everything else going on.
--The weather in Arkansas has not dipped below 105 degrees in weeks! It's miserable!
--Technically I have moved into an apartment in Fayetteville with my girl Kristen, however I have yet to spend one night there. I know this bums Kristen out, but I need to be here to help my mom and dad.
--I am super sad and feel a little lost without my sister here.
--As I type this, my mom and dad are on their way to the hospital because he just got too bad to stay at home.

GOOD NEWS:
--My dad was in the hospital, yes, but it's so good that they finally got in there, found the real problem, and fixed him all up. Let's just hope he can get over these next hurdles quickly.
--In the midst of turmoil and stress, Brooke's dear friend--and now mine--Lacee and I threw B&G a surprise going away party! It was a huge hit, and they were so surprised. Brooke was convinced no one seemed to care that they were leaving, so the party was a big redeeming note for her and her friendships.
--My friend Carrie has moved back to NWA, so we've been hanging out, which is VERY good for my soul. I LOVE HER!
--I got a fun new cell phone because my inherited old blackberry died. I am thoroughly enjoying it.
--My mom and I got to go to Findlay, Ohio to help B&G move in and get settled. It was such a blessing to be able to be there for them, doing all the grunt work, and helping decorate their apartment a bit. We had some super sweet time together, and I am so thankful I was able to go.
--Getting delayed in Toledo meant we got to spend one more night with Brooke & Garrett!
--Thursday I had a great job interview (phone interview to make up for my missing of the Tuesday interview) with the University of Tulsa for an Admissions position. I never say this. There has only been a couple other times when I have thought an interview went well, as I'm just a negative Nancy when it comes to these things. This one, though, I have a great feeling about. I should know soon about a second interview or not. Either way, it was a nice boost of confidence for me amid all the rejections.
--The weather in Arkansas has taken a much-needed break from the extreme heat. We've had thunderstorms galore the past few days and temperatures in the 70s and 80s! HALLELUJAH!
--I have been able to spend some sweet quality time with my parents. Sure it's been because of a bad circumstance, but I am available to be here for them in ways I haven't before. I often wonder where in the world I will go next, what full-time job I will get (or if I will ever get one!), what friends I will make, and how well I will do....through this tumultuous time of the unknown and the need/desire to move forward, I have found comfort in the fact that I am here, right now, being used to bring love and help for my family.
--Unlimited SMS and MMS rocks my face off!!

Now, here are some pictures:

Brooke, Sarah, & Kayla after the surprise...yep, Brooke cried. Victory!

The Surprise...sorry it's so blurry...I was too busy yelling "surprise!" to take good pictures.

Jake and I hosting the "Clawesome Awards" during the party...BIG hit!

The CLAWESOME Awards

Lovely & delicious cake courtesy of Rick's Bakery

Brooke's excited about her Clawesome Award...yes, that's a high-five trophy. Jealous?!

Opening presents!

The Fab Four...B&G and Jake & Lacee Knoedl, my partners in crime for the surprise

Moving day

Packed to the brim! We were actually nervous about it all fitting, but Garrett--being the math genius he is--got it all in there.

Brooke in her new dining area & kitchen in Findlay, Ohio

AMAZING weather in Ohio to sit out on the...well...stairwell area and chat.

Putting up the picture Lacee, my mom, and I had made for B&G. It's an amazing picture Laura Troutman took while we were in Venice.

YAY! It's all put together!! At least the living room and kitchen are...

Abby being super cute as we all enjoy the new cool weather in Arkansas. (took this picture with my fun, new cell phone!) :-)

The girls sticking by daddy's side while he's sick...they know something isn't right. Every time my dad would get sick, Abby would just sit right in front of him, almost like she was making sure he was ok. Their sweet. I've been staying at my parents' house taking care of them--and, I guess, my mom--while my dad's been sick.

YESTERDAY WAS MY PRODUCTIVE DAY

2011-07-22T01:21:00.001-05:00

I often get asked the question, "so, what do you do?" Well, that's a tricky question. Do you mean, what job do I go to and work at 5 days a week? OR do you mean, what activities to I partake in during my days? I know it's the former. It always is. Why do we define what we "do" in reference to a job/career? Huh. Another question for another time! Moving on.... Technically I don't necessarily "do" anything. I'm currently looking for a full-time job, though. Yes, I do have a job...well, not this summer, but during the school year. I was substitute teaching during the fall, winter, & spring months. However, I feel it is time to move on to something different. Something more substantial...more consistent...more financially viable...more structured...more...me.

Honestly, I haven't been ready. I wasn't ready to jump into a full-time, hard-hitting, career-type job right away...or after 3 months...or 6...or 9. It's taken me about 10 months, and tons of baby steps, to get to this point where I'm ready to start something new and permanent--or at least semi-permanent. I'm ready to step out and do more, be more. Sure, being rendered homeless after August 6 (when Brooke & Garrett move to Ohio) does help give me the push I need, but I want it noted that I have been ready for a bit before the date came about! It's been tough, though, as the road to my "putting myself out there" has been paved with rejection after rejection. Yep, I have been rejected from every job I have applied for thus far. Good times. The first three "No"s were quite a hit to my confidence and deterred me a bit. BUT I have been trying to persevere through them. I miss those days when I had it all figured out...or at least thought I did. I knew what I was good at and loved what I did. I miss the feelings of "this is what I'm supposed to be doing", "this is what I am gifted to do", and "this is what I'm passionate about." I long for the comfort and security I found in those times.

I had another job interview today (making it my fourth). I can honestly say it was the best one I've had so far. It didn't feel like an interview but rather a get-to-know-each-other session with a group of people whom I happen to be desiring a job. It was so refreshing! I never walk away from interviews feeling confident, but this one I actually did. Now, don't get me wrong, my expectations are still not super high...trying to protect my heart, I guess. I know God is doing something through this whole process. We're working through that together.

Honestly, I just want to be in the right place doing what I'm meant to do right now.

Not ten years from now.

Right now.

I can only do what is right in front of me.

Let tomorrow--or ten years from now--worry about itself...so a wise Man once said.

CHOP, STIR, & CLICK!

2011-07-18T16:10:00.001-05:00

I've been journaling more lately, thus why I haven't blogged as often as I would like. It's like I exasperate all my mental and emotional energy while journaling leaving nothing to blog about. Ok...so I guess that's an exaggeration but still....

So, lately, I have been cooking a lot, trying new dishes here and there. Pretzel-making has been my latest endeavor. Next adventure will be the traditional South Carolina boiled peanuts (recipe courtesy of Mama Troutman, my dear friend Laura Troutman's proud parent)!! Words can't express how excited I am about those tasty treats! They are definitely an acquired taste, but I think they are delicious. I'll let you know how it goes.

I've also been taking a lot of pictures. I'm still entering photos into the "Colors of Summer" contest; I've done green, blue, yellow, red, and orange. I'm on week 6, and the color is pink; next week is purple. I've recruited Brooke to help me come up with some creative pink and purple-inspired photographs.

I'm neither a chef nor professional photographer. I just really enjoy both of these activities so much! I find they are good for my soul. As I'm going through the annoying and emotionally exhausting process of finding a job, cooking and taking pictures are great outlets away from resumes, applications, cover letters, interviews, and rejections. They are also relaxing--most of the time--activities that allow me to exercise my creativity. Plus my roomies (Brooke & Garrett) get to reap the delicious, lovely benefits!

Here are some recent pictures bringing the two hobbies together: food and photos:

From my mom's garden

More from the garden!

Making The Pioneer Woman's Iced Coffee

The finished product: Delicious!

Latest pretzel venture: Jalapeno Pepper Jack Pretzels AND Pretzel Dogs

My next Challenge: Mama Troutman's Boiled Peanuts

LEND ME YOUR HAND AND WE'LL CONQUER THEM ALL

2011-07-07T00:44:00.000-05:00

Have you ever heard a song, or set of songs, by a band that just speaks to you? A song that moves you, that speaks to your soul like a calming hum? Something that's not necessarily easily explained but none-the-less it's how you feel? That's how I feel about Mumford & Sons. I absolutely adore this band and their album Sigh No More. I know it's been out for a while, but I didn't discover them until November, when a friend of mine suggested I give 'em a listen. Listen I did. I now listen to this album often when I go for a walk, when I'm driving, or when I just want to get away if only for a 4 minute and 13 second moment. My favorite song has to be "Awake My Soul." Don't get me wrong, I love myself some "Little Lion Man" or "The Cave" (radio favorites), their energy and raw emotion, but "Awake My Soul" is dessert. If you don't know Mumford & Sons, or have merely heard a couple of their songs on the radio, please spend some time on youtube and, with an open mind, delve into the loveliness. Enjoy.

MAKEUP WORK

2011-07-05T13:17:00.000-05:00

Making up for not posting in the last few days (I'm trying to post once every day, or at least every other day), I have two new posts below! TWO! Well, I suppose this one makes three. So...THREE!! I have also updated the "Snap Shots" section with tons of new photos from the past few months. Get excited!! Do some high kicks and dance a jig!! Now pass out because you've been more active in the past few minutes than you have in a year. Wait...is that just me? To each his own.

MY CURRENT OBSESSION...PRETZELS

2011-07-05T13:12:00.001-05:00

Who doesn't love those Auntie Anne's, buttery, salty, huge, only found in the mall, oh-so-lovely soft pretzels?! I SURE DO! If you don't, you should. Recently I have had a longing, a deep-seeded need to attempt making such pretzels. That way I can have them whenever I want! I don't have to wait until I go to a mall or craft fair! I can make them in the comfort and versatility of my own home (or, in my current life context, my sister's home)!

*sigh, love of pretzels overwhelms me*

ANYWAY! My sister came home one day announcing her discovery of an entire cookbook dedicated solely to the wonderful pretzel. In my excitement, I ran out and bought said cookbook:

Sure, you could probably just look up pretzel recipes online and don't really need an entire cookbook for pretzels, BUT it's neat, has tons of recipes I would never have thought of, and was only $5.

For the 4th of July, as well as my dad's and grandma's birthdays, we had a family celebratory dinner. I decided this was the perfect opportunity to make my first batch of soft pretzels. Here is my first pretzel journey (pictures taken on a phone, thus the tad bit of graininess):

Making the dough and letting it set over night. Even in a bowl covered in plastic wrap, it's beautiful.

The next day, forming the dough into 4ish-inch "sticks". Brooke & I decided to make pretzel sticks instead of the braids for portion-control reasons, as they were meant to be appetizers to our grand meal.

Those "sticks" rose, I baked them, and here they are all brown and wonderful. Sure they turned out to be more like pretzel loaves than sticks but this occasion is all about taste not presentation.

They were a huge hit! My grandma (Meme, as we affectionately call her) and I enjoyed the tastey goodness of our first at-home pretzel baking adventure. We heated up three different types of dipping cheeses to compliment the perfectly salty (all hail to Brooke, the sprinkler of the perfect saltiness) pretzel loaves. Simply delicious.

Next pretzel baking adventure = Sweet pretzels! Then off to stuffed pretzels! THE POSSIBILITIES ARE ENDLESS!!! With 168 pages in The Pretzel Cookbook, I guess technically there is an end. But still. My excitement will not be squelched!

MORE THAN CONQUERORS

2011-07-05T12:43:00.000-05:00

You all know it. I've written about it a few times. I have struggled...not only with what to do with my life now that I am an American living in America (rather than Europe), but also with my relationship with Christ, trusting Him with everything, and pursuing Him. I don't talk about that much. Mainly because I'm a little embarrassed. I was a missionary. A super Christian leaving her family and semi-comfortable life behind for the sake of the Gospel! (here I imagine a charge sounding, fists pumping, & maybe some "good game" slaps on the rear) Ya, that's not me. I'm no super Christian, which is a title I know no one has given me but rather unrealistic expectations I have had on myself for years. It's been hard as people ask me to pray, and I just don't want to or have anxiety about it. People ask me to come to a Bible study, and my initial reaction is "no way." Church, for me, is a place where I go to see people I like, chat it up, then eat lunch together afterwards. Pessimism seems to take over my once eternal hope and optimism. Large crowds, especially of Christians, give me high anxiety. This isn't me...or the me I was.

My abrupt leaving of Ukraine shook me to the core, emotionally and spiritually. I was lost. In that feeling of complete loss I blamed God for a lot and stepped into a cloud of fear and distrust for my Heavenly Father. I trusted Him in going to Ukraine. I trusted that God called me to Ukraine and, though it wouldn't always be easy, He would take care of me and it would all be ok. In Ukraine I fell and just kept falling. Sure, it wasn't all doom and gloom...there were many good times, and God did AMAZING things. I don't mean to belittle those things or those people whom He touched through me. I was miserable, though. At the end of it, I was so unhappy. I kept telling myself, "I'm a missionary; it's supposed to be hard." I sat in that mindset for too long. Not realizing it, I think I became bitter at God for putting me through that, for not "taking care of me." I trusted Him, and He didn't hold up His side of the bargain. Ridiculous. I know that now, but that's how I felt. It took me a lot of tears and months of counseling since I've been back to realize all that. To say it out loud...well...that's taken longer. 10 months to be exact. :-)

This is real. This is me. I'm learning that this me who is getting to know and trust God again is much more real than the me who was a "super Christian." I have been challenged. I've questioned Him, refused and ignored Him. I've never had to work to believe before. I can say I was never truly tested before all this. Now, I'm growing into a new faith. One that is completely mine and His. One that is more real and deep than anything I have felt before. I still have so far to go, but with God's unimaginable patience and steadfastness I am baby-stepping my way back to Him. Back to full, unashamed, unhindered, reckless trust in the One who will never leave me or forsake me. It's still so hard. Daily. Hard to pray. I can now, though, without pretending. I can read my Bible now, open it without anxiety gripping me. I am honest with Him, with my hurts my deep fears. He's slowly healing me, making me a new creation with a new future....a new me.

BRAND NEW OLD THING

2011-06-28T21:29:00.000-05:00

I have recently been enchanted by The Pioneer Woman. She is brilliant. She's funny, smart, and so...normal...in the best way. She not only has a witty blog and beautiful photography but also deliciously tasty treats featured on her website. I came across her post about Cinnamon Toast. Now, to me, cinnamon toast is a staple in my childhood breakfast memories. I love cinnamon toast...french toast more, but when one can't have french toast, I go for the cinnamon. When I saw she had not only a strong opinion about how proper cinnamon toast is made but also had a different recipe than my mom's, I HAD to try it. Try it I did. I basically whipped up a batch immediately after reading the post.

The result: Pure Deliciousness. I didn't think cinnamon toast could get any better. I was wrong. The bread was not merely topped with butter, cinnamon, and sugar but immersed in it...with a twist. The toast was delicate with the perfect amount of crisp from the broiler. It was as if I was eating something expensive and sinful. Note: The Pioneer Woman's version is definitely not for those looking to cut butter out of their diets. You MUST try this recipe. Yes, that is an order. Here is the link to her particularly perfect cinnamon toast recipe blog post: Cinnamon Toast The Right Way. Read it. Cook it. Love it.

p.s. Check out her Photography page. I submitted a "Funny Face" photo of Abby, the smaller lazy partner in my parents' dog duo.

Abby cheesin' it up

TICKLE ME PINK & BLUE, & GREEN, & YELLOW, &...

2011-06-27T15:46:00.002-05:00

I recently have stepped out and entered a photo contest. It's a "Colors of Summer" photography contest in which every week, for 7 weeks, a new color is announced, and you can enter up to 5 of your "summery" photos which highlight that particular color. Now, I am no photographer. My photographs are probably sub-par compared to most. I truly believe any technically "good" pictures I take are purely accidental. So I'm doing this contest not to take my shot at being a professional photographer but to have some fun with pretty pictures I happen to have snapped.

Here are some samples:

GREEN

BLUE

YELLOW

I WANNA BE A...

2011-06-21T17:21:00.000-05:00

As I've become more and more adjusted on this new path the Lord has put me, I am in the stage of figuring out "what I want to be when I grow up". This is not an easy task, mind you. I thought I had found that working overseas with JV. I thought that would be my last "job" and what I was made to do...now, as I have found myself not in Ukraine, not working overseas with teenagers, not doing what I thought would be my last job, it has been quite a feat trying to figure out what is next....now what? I have done some substitute teaching, which I thoroughly enjoy--most of the time--but financially I can't afford to just be a substitute for the duration of well, life. I mean, if I could find a sugar daddy, then I'd be good to go, but since Mr. Right has not presented himself I must fend for myself.

Honestly, I've been in quite a bit of turmoil trying to figure out my next steps, especially when it has come to a career. For sure, I have been given a chance to start again, start something new and exciting. However, I've been leaning more towards scared rather than excited. Do I work in college admissions again; do I work for another ministry; do I try something completely different?! What will I choose to be my next last job? What will be the next grand step? Fear has gripped me, afraid of choosing the wrong path. Then I realized, after a few "no's" to some job applications, that I don't need to have this all figured out. I don't need to necessarily be looking for my next career, my next "I was born to do this!" career path. I just need a job. I just need something to help me pay bills--so I can be self-sufficient--and, hopefully, enjoy while I am doing it. This doesn't have to be the big deal I have made it out to be, all or nothing, pick the right one or misery will befall me. So, I have decided to apply for anything...ok, not really anything, as I don't want to be the next bikini-clad mower of lawns (yes, this job actually exists & is looking for applicants). I do have an idea of what I do not want to do, but honestly, I don't know what I want to do. THUS here I go! Applying away! Maybe I'll be Starbucks' next barista of the year, a publishers assistant at the local newspaper, the customer service rep at the Marriott, an event planner at a community college, or a cashier at Target.

Whatever I do, I wanna be...happy.

INSERT BRILLIANT TITLE HERE

2011-06-20T22:05:00.002-05:00

I come to this page often, ready to type something. For some reason, though, I don't.
Or, I lay in bed and think of something brilliant, deep, hilarious--pick a profound adjective--to blog about and say to myself that I'll write about it tomorrow. I haven't.

So much has gone on...to those who actually read this, I'm sorry I haven't kept this updated. Tomorrow I shall type up something (again, insert profound adjective here) that will leave you (insert action verb) along with me. Tomorrow. One more day. Now I just have to come up with something to write about.

SPRING TIME!!

2011-03-15T11:24:00.000-05:00

After living in Ukraine, where Winter lasts 7 months out of the year, one yearns for Spring, and when it comes rejoicing happens. Fall used to be my favorite season: all the reds, oranges, and yellows perfectly blending to make the world around me glow. Now, though, Spring has taken the lead. Something about it helps me to breathe more easily. Seeing the raw, winter branches with touches of white and pink blooms, awakes a hope inside of me. Green creeps back into the color palette winter left brown and grey. Tulips sprouting up out of the moist ground, reminding you that they have been resting in the soil waiting to bloom at the perfect moment. New life is happening before your eyes.

It's Spring, and I LOVE IT!

Have to include some pictures of Abby and Molly!!

ONLY THE CLASSICS

2011-02-22T10:17:00.020-06:00

So I'm really into reading these days (see previous blog post). I've plowed through four books, which is good for me being a self-proclaimed non-reader. I thought I'd give you a peak into my current library recently read.

To preface my reveal I want to say why I've chosen the books I've read, or rather why they chose me. (deep, I know) Since I'm not in such a light and fluffy season of my life (who is really? Newlyweds. Babies. High school girls "in love." Puppies. I digress...) I've been drawn to the more light and fluffy type of book, otherwise known as the "romantic comedy." Yep, they come not only in movie form but also in book form! Who knew?! As the swirling of deep, heart-wrenching chaos continues to be a dominant presence in my mind and heart, I find reading mindless, mostly lovely, and always silly books a nice balm for my soul. It's nice to ~~escape~~ take a break from my reality every once in a while and get lost in someone else's, which for the most part gets all wrapped up nice and neat-ish in about 200 pages or so. I hope to venture into the more dramatic, suspenseful novels at some point. My sister is constantly disappointed at my ignoring of her recommendations of State of Fear by Crichton or the sci-fi Ender series by Orson Scott Card. It's just hard to branch out once you've found an area you so much enjoy! Especially when you've recently purchased six new books from the going-out-of-business sale at Borders and have five more in your amazon.com shopping cart!

Ok, here are the gems I've read that I feel are worth mentioning for those of you who enjoy a good break from reality every now and again:

(WARNING: major overuse of the phrase "super cute" and other girly statments in the following)

Full of It by Wendy French

The abrupt ending of this book still does not hinder me from saying how fun it is. It's all about a woman stuck in a funk and a mediocre life. She has issues with filtering what she says to people...I can relate...thus the cover photo. She goes through a big transition, through which she finds joy, structure, love, and discipline in the life she thought she was doomed to sludge through. It's super cute and not deep in any way. It's also set in the Portland, OR area, which was fun for me as I've been to some of the towns she talks about.

London is the Best City in America by Laura Dave

Hard to get into a first, this book won me over by chapter two. The title is a little ill-fitting as the book only talks about London about three times (ok maybe more), but it doesn't really matter. London and Full of It are pretty similar in the fact they're both about a woman in transition who also just got out of an engagement. (ya, I forgot to say that about the first book.) The main character secludes herself to a small New England town to escape from her past life/responsibilities all the while working on a half-assed (for lack of a better term) documentary film. This book has more drama involved as the woman is not the total focus of the book...it's her and her brother. She, of course, "finds herself" while working through her brother's relationship drama, so it's all good.

Hope in a Jar by Beth Harbison

Loved this book! It's super girly, which normaly is not my kool-aid, but I found it to be a sweet and fun touch. It's all about two women who were BFFs in high school but became non-BFFs after a hardcore event their senior year. Both have very different families, interests, and future goals. Twenty years later, it's time for a class reunion, and the meet-n-greet of it all creates drama and refound frienships. I really like the way the author set-up the chapters, jumping back and forth from past and present...makes it more suspenseful. This book for sure has the romantic comedy aspect but has a deeper dramatic aspect as well with the traumatic event that happened back in high school. Plus this book makes you want to go out and buy expensive cosmetics...I didn't...but still. I was bummed when the book was finished. Fun stuff. Read it.

Dining with Joy by Rachel Hauck

This has been my favorite of the four...though Hope in a Jar is a super close second. This is Christian fiction, which I normally would stray away from as they can be super cheesey and unrealistic, but this one was only mildly cheesey. Dining is about a woman who hosts a cooking show per the request of the show's former host, her father who died. The hitch is that she can't cook, at all, though she is a great performer, so the show is super successful. No one knows her secret, well except for the whole town she lives in. She's got daddy issues galore, which affect everything as well as the sudden boom of the show's popularity. Then, of course, a man enters the picture. The book is pretty much about both characters, as they are both developed throughout the book. The cheese presents itself through the drinking of an ice-cold "rootbeer" at a manly-man event and the "I'll be hog swaggled!" exclamations (not an actual phrase in the book, merely an example). Every now and then a Bible verse or prayer will be included leaving you wondering if it really fit with the story line. I like the innocence and purity of the cheese, though. Regardless, it was a sweet book that left me wanting to read the other novels in this three-book series. Read it. It's good.

HI MY NAME IS BRITTNEY AND ...

2011-02-09T23:09:00.001-06:00

Remember how I said January was such a good month for me? Feelings of possibility and hope starting to seep in. Well, February has started off not too shabby. We've seen two of Arkansas' largest snow storms within a couple weeks of each other...forcing us to stay in and, well, entertain ourselves. My little red car could even get out if it tried after today's blizzard. Seriously, we walked through snow up to my knees! Anyway, it's been nice to be stuck for a while, without the pressure of making daily decisions to do something, go somewhere, be someone. The decision is made for me. Thus I've been in the house watching shows online, watching movies, cooking, then occasionally breaking out and taking a walk in the snow. It's been nice. Though, these blizzards haven't been too great at helping me with my little problem...yes, I have a problem. I am admitting it. I am whole-heartedly addicted to watching movies and watching tv shows online. There! I've said it (or rather typed it) for the world to hear (or rather read)! I just love watching shows...escaping to another place, into someone else's story, if only for 20 minutes, 1 hour, or however long. I've always been a movie girl (as I'm just an overall visual person). My dvd collection is a tad much. It's my thing.

But...you know what else is "my thing"? Books. I love books. Well, I love buying books not so much reading them. I really really enjoy going to Barnes&Noble, Borders, or wherever, looking through the sale bin, and finding a gem...a diamond in the rough, if you will. As I was preparing to move to Ukraine, almost three years ago, I bought tons of books and had tons given to me. I packed them all up, and shipped them to Ukraine. "Why, Brittney, you never actually read the books you buy?" you may ask. Because, Imaginary Person, I thought, finally, I will have the time to read my tons of books. I didn't have a television, no movie theatre to go to, no ABC.com to watch shows on (or even consistent internet...in the beginning). Nope, just me and my tons of books. Guess how many books I read in the two and a half years I lived in Ukraine. Guess! Four. Sure, initially that doesn't sound that bad. But seriously, out of probably fifty books I read a mere four! After some time I got better, faster internet, and the missionary community whispered to me the secrets of watching all the shows online you could ever want to watch!

I do like to read, don't get me wrong. I feel that way every time I read a good book...one that makes me visualize the characters in my head and imagine everything I'm reading playing out like a movie. It's fun, really. But then I get pulled in to another tv series or watch the latest romantic comedy, and I'm sucked right back into my alternate, addictive reality.

In the past two and a half weeks I have read two books. I am amazed with myself. One was a book I found in a dollar bin at B&N two and a half weeks ago, and the other was one of the hopeful books I bought almost three years ago....it's been to Ukraine and back and finally has been read. They were both really good. At least to this not-so-critical critic they were. Some may scoff at this number and say, "Two books in two weeks! That's nothing! I read two books in two hours or two minutes!" Well, to you, Mr. Jerk SuperReader, I say: First, shut up! Second, you are not very nice. It's not cool to scoff at people's accomplishments however small you may deem them. Third, you read crazy fast and should maybe layoff the books a bit and put some more people-time in. Fourth,...ok, I forgot where I was going with this. ANYWAY...This is for sure a record for me (not counting the insane amount of books I had to read in high school and college). I have already picked out my next book. I've caught the "reading is fun!" fever! I'm trying to stick to all the books I've had on my shelf for three or more years....but those sale bins call my name every now and again. Keep rooting for me! I might just grow to love reading books as much as I love buying them!

I'M DREAMING OF A WHITE...FEBRUARY?

2011-02-04T00:05:00.000-06:00

Northwest Arkansas (and surrounding areas) has been hit hard with snow this winter. The past few days have been a snowy, ice blur. I was excited to have my first full week of subbing, alas I only subbed Monday. The snow took the week away, as I watched the "school closings" ticker each day to show "Rogers Schools - closed". sigh Yes, I do enjoy sleeping in, laying around the house, watching shows, and seeing the beautiful white encompass us. However, I also enjoy getting paid. Oh well. It's nice none-the-less. We've literally been snowed-in. My little red speeder can't make it out--or at least I'm not going to attempt it. Yesterday, though, we decided we had to leave the house! We went for a walk down the street, braving the slippery path as the usually noticeable ditch has become a mere extension of the road, and the asphalt is covered with a thick layer of frozen everything. Goodtimes. Here are some photos to enjoy...it's almost like you were there!

I FEEL...SQUIRMY

2011-01-24T14:41:00.000-06:00

For the first time in 4.5 months I feel like doing something. By something I mean, well, not nothing. January has been a good month for me. By no means has it been easy or lacking in emotional turmoil (my every day), but compared to September through December, January has by far been my favorite. Something inside of me is stirring. I feel a push to get out of the house/town/state/whatever, make a change, and be a productive (or semi-productive) member of society, contributing something (there's that word again) to life--mine and possibly others. I have NO IDEA what this something or somewhere is, but at least I feel a desire to find it. It's been a while since I've felt this stirring, mixed with some excitement and fear. This is good. I've started with doing some substitute teaching. I am really enjoying this: cool kids (leaving out the hooligans to maintain the positivity of this post), work flexibility, fair/good-enough-for-now pay, responsibility but not too much that it's super overwhelming, low-stress, and just fun. I shall continue on this path until I get the other something and somewhere figured out. Now I'm off to google what somethings are out there!

I SAW THE SIGN,

2011-01-13T00:11:00.004-06:00

and it opened up my eyes...and demanded that I take a picture.
:-) Oh the South!

"Jehovah Java"...not only are we in "God's country", but we can also drink God's coffee

"Renovated Room"...yep, just one.

"Home of Good Fishing" I would hope so!

We drove for hours looking intently for this so I could take a picture. We saw it on the way to New Orleans, but didn't get to capture its hilarity until the drive back to Arkansas.

Closer look

"Gospel Singing..." Then and only then, even though it is the Gospel Singing Shed.

WHO DAT

2011-01-07T21:02:00.001-06:00

My favorite photos (thus far) from New Orleans

...more to come

NEW ORLEANS =

2011-01-07T10:37:00.001-06:00

*Warm weather in January *Delicious food *Sweet smell of garbage everywhere *Getting hit on by skeezy men *The odd comfort of feeling like I'm in a different country *Lots of great photo opps *Super friendly people (even the skeezy ones) *Not-so-much the cleanest city ever *Chicory, beignets, & pralines *Everyone claiming they're the "First (fill in the blank) in America!" *Crazy expensive everything *Fancy meets trashy within blocks of each other *The familiarity & love of walking everywhere we want to go *A new experience that I'm happy to have!

Tasty crawfish & corn bisque from the French Market

RAGIN' CAJUN

2011-01-05T01:09:00.000-06:00

I'm going on a random trip to New Orleans tomorrow through Saturday. It's random to me, as I have no real reason to go, but to my co-travelers it is not. Brooke and Garrett are going because Garrett has tons of job interviews at this "all colleges come together and interview for math jobs" convention (believe it or not, that is not the actual title). I feel New Orleans is a super random place to have such a convention (especially seeing as almost all the jobs he's interviewing for aren't anywhere near Louisiana, yet I digress). It's all good, though, because I get to go! My job will be to hang out with Brooke and explore the city while Garrett is showing the big wigs how smart he is. I'm excited. Rupert (my butler), add one more city to the list of new places I've been since I've been back in America! Yipee!

AT THE BEGINNING

2011-01-02T23:13:00.002-06:00

Well, here I am, starting a new chapter in my life. It's freakin' scary but exciting at the same time. It's hard to feel the "exciting" part most days, but I'm working on it. I've been back in America for four months now. It seems like so much longer; more like September 1st to January 1st was actually a full year rather than just four months. This has been one of the hardest years of my life (the real year, not the four-month year, though that is included), one that has left me broken, scarred, and lost.

Lost is one of the hardest, ya know. It's just like I'm five years old again, in Target, and all of a sudden I look around and don't see my mom anywhere. I look and look, but she's just gone. I don't know where to go or what to do. I ~~was~~ have been abandoned, and ~~had~~ have no idea what to do now. In Target (actual event) I probably didn't listen to my mom or wandered off...I ~~wasn't~~ am not abandoned.

I'm here, standing...sometimes sitting or laying curled up in a ball...but here, none the less. I made it, though there were days (and I'm sure there will be more) that I didn't think I would. I know, though, I'm going to be so much better because of it. At least that's what I have to keep telling myself, or rather what Brooke has to keep telling me--as the days come when I lay on her couch and cry. One day, I will look back and say, "Thank You, Lord, for that hell of a year, and then some!" or in one phrasing or another. We'll see. Oh yes, we shall. In the meantime ....... I'll start walking--trying to do a little less standing, sitting, or laying.

DEAR 2011...

2011-01-01T02:38:00.000-06:00

Dear 2011,

Please don't suck. I mean, I'm not saying 2010 sucked. But, I am. This is my request. It's not a big one. I'm not asking to win the lottery or for world peace, just for things not to suck. Thanks! TTYL! BFF! LYLAS!

Love,
Brittney

STILL PLAYING DRESS UP

2010-09-21T00:21:00.000-05:00

Well, it's official. I'm thirty years old. Weird. A guy at Walmart asked me how old I was, and I almost said twenty-nine. I caught myself, though, and said, "wow, I'm thirty. That's weird to say." He nicely said, "well you definitely don't look it!" That was sweet...I get it a lot. I don't feel thirty. But was does thirty necessarily feel like, ya know. Thus I say, whatever. Thirty is just my age and does not define who I am. It just means I have been alive for thirty years! Yay for that! I have survived thirty years! For that, I celebrate. For that...and, well, for a lot of occasions...I dress up in gaudy, yet fashionable 80s wear!

Some of Brooke's friends threw us a "surprise" birthday party...the surprise part was that it was an 80s dress-up party! They all showed up in their fancy duds along with outfits for the two of us. Thankfully I also have quite the stock of 80s garb close at hand to accent what they brought for us. *please excuse the poor quality of the photo...it was taken on a phone...technology today!

SONG, SONG OF THE SOUTH...SWEET POTATO PIE & SHUT MY MOUTH!

2010-09-11T23:29:00.000-05:00

Nothin' like a good ole' home-cooked Southern meal

fried okra/potatoes/onions, fried fish, french fries, & fried hush puppies!

Welcome back to the SOUTH!

ONE WEEK...

2010-09-09T21:59:00.000-05:00

I have officially been back in America for one week.

ARRIVAL AT THE NW ARKANSAS AIRPORT W/ FAMILY THERE TO GREET ME...I barely remember this picture. :-)

I've honestly been avoiding all communication with the outside world (skype, email, facebook). It's weird. Being here. It's nice to be with family and to enjoy all the luxuries that America brings...but it's overwhelming as well. For example, my first task--right as I stepped off the plane--was to buy a vehicle. Since Rogers and Bella Vista, Arkansas aren't so much "walking/public transportation-to-where-you-need-to-go friendly" I need to have a car in order to get anywhere. It was actually a super overwhelming process. I've never sought out and bought a car before (my dad was a car dealer, thus I always got the hook up), so add jet lag; a roller coaster of emotion because, well, now I live in America and not Ukraine; and readjusting to American living...yep, quite the bucket-o-fun. Ok, so it wasn't that bad. I had some fun, bonding moments car-shopping with my dad. Finally, I found THE ONE:

I like it because 1) it gets great gas mileage and 2) it's a cute hatchback, looking like a European car, which makes me happy. So...that's me for now. I am with car and am mobile. I cry sporadically. I feel numb, almost void of desire to really feel anything. I'm getting there, though. Baby steps. Slowing entering back into communication with the outside world is step one. Check. That's me...for now.

A PICTURE IS WORTH A 1,000 WORDS...BUT WHAT ABOUT PICTURES W/ 1,000 WORDS? AH HA! GOTYA THERE!

2010-08-31T18:11:00.000-05:00

THIS IS MY PICTURE (W/ WORDS) STORY

Stretching is really important before having a dance-off

Lauree & Ashley in their kickin' new apartment

The party wagon on our way to Slovenia for JV Kids' Camp

A bit of a snag at the Croatian border? Note: When having to turn around a car with a trailer attached, just go ahead and unhitch the trailer, turn, then re-hitch. Especially when you have four hot chicks to hold it down. I'm just sayin'

When on a road trip that was supposed to take 10 hours and turns into 16 (I think that was the final time), it's important to stop and have random dance parties on the side of the road.

JV KIDS' CAMP BABY!! Enter at your own risk!

I led games at camp -- I like to line the kids up first and show 'em who's boss. Shaming is never out of the question.

Making the kids work for their food.

A daily reminder of how fun & beautiful a campfire can be, but also why we have indoor heating and electricity.

These were the camp bullies...I was scared of them, especially the little one with the mask. He may be small, but he's quick like a cat...and, I don't know about you, but to me cats are just terrifying.

I LOVE YOU SO HARD!! And the kids love me...even if I make them.

This is what happens when you don't obey. Spare the rod, if you know what I mean...

On a normal day

This was our camp superhero. He was pretty hardcore. His super power involved a lot of festively-colored duct tape. Use your imagination.

You know it hurts so good!

Great group shot, gang!

What?! Another picture? We couldn't possibly!

Come on!! Not another one. We're exhausted from our photoshoot earlier today.

FINE, YOU ASKED FOR IT...BLUE STEEL!!

My Beauties! (Jillian, Daci, Queen G, Gwyneth, Kendra)

The fellas...or should I say Eastern Europe's Next Top Male Models

I hit Ashley with Jacob's rubber chicken...I didn't mean to. No one deserves to be hit with a rubber chicken...no one.

QUEEN GORGEOUS REPRESENT!! A GREAT WEEK OF CAMP!

Finishing the trip off with a good climb up to a child's playground tree-house at a roadside Burger King/gas station/hotel/golf course. Hampton, I told you I could do it! In ya face!! (note: Hampton is a 3-year-old MK living in Slovakia...he told me I couldn't get to the tree-house...challenge accepted and met.)

JUST BECAUSE I WANTED TO...

2010-08-14T08:38:00.000-05:00

I went to Gloria Jeans today...of course...carrying two bouquets of flowers.

One was of beautiful, white gladioli (gladiolus, singular, for those non-flower savants out there...ok, ya I had to look it up). I've always wanted to buy these flowers when I see them at the market. I just always thought they'd be too expensive, so I never even asked. Well, today I did. They were only 15 UAH! SCORE!

(I don't have a camera, so I have to use my webcam to take pictures...please excuse the poor quality)

The other bouquet were a bright, colorful mixture of different kinds of flowers. I just had to get them because they were so cheery and lovely! I couldn't just stick with white flowers!

Ok, so back to my story....So I walked in Gloria Jeans, getting my normal greeting of, "Hey, Brittney! Good to see you!" (i love it) Then Luba, one of the girls I talk to often, asked me what I was celebrating because I had these flowers. I told her I bought them just because I wanted to. I said my apartment is now empty and boring, so I need some flowers to brighten it up. She smiled, liking my answer, then asked about when my last day in Ukraine would be. I told her Monday. Sad. I said I would probably come in again tomorrow and Monday just because I want to...and to say goodbye.

Gloria Jeans has become more than just a super, fantastic, beautiful place to get tasty coffee. It's become my usual joint of socialization. I have meetings there, took the interns there (often), journal there, lounge there, and mainly meet new people there. I have come to know the manager and three other workers (including Luba) well. It's fun. It's my place. I'm really going to miss it...not the coffee necessarily but the sweet times I've had there getting to know the staff, coming in, and being known. Sure, to them, I may be that crazy American that comes in way too much and smiles a lot...but I like to think I'm that customer who actually treats them well, tips, and takes the time to talk to and get to know them...beyond what the special of the day is. I'm really going to miss it.

TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES

2010-08-11T12:50:00.000-05:00

Not only was "REDEEM" the theme of this summer (our JV camps' theme) but also "my electronics hate me." Let me give you the breakdown:

MAY: ~My MacBook died...just decided one day that it didn't want to work anymore
~Lost my cell phone on the train, thus losing all my contacts. Thankfully I was able to use an intern phone the rest of the summer and got my phone number back from the operator.

JUNE: ~As I was uploading pictures on my "working" Dell computer (it is about to die...I pray over it daily!), it erased all the pictures on my camera I had taken from May and June.

JULY:    ~Dropped my video camera (which claims to be "shock proof), and it stopped working properly. Now you can only see things on the screen in reverse.
~At our rafting camp, my NEW digital camera fell into a bucket of water and beets and now doesn't work at at.
~My klanka (water heater thingy) stopped working for two weeks--when we got back from rafting camp and from English camp.

AUG.:   ~The intern phone now only works sometimes when I receive calls.
~Water heater still not working...no hot water
~Sometimes my Dell goes to a blue screen then shuts down...yep, time for a new computer all around.

So, there you have it! All things electronic/technological hate me! I have no smoothly functioning camera, phone, water heater, and computer. Ok, so I don't tell you all this for you to pity me or to get a "poor Brittney" out of you. I share this because typically if all of this were to happen, I'd be freaking out, angry, and super bitter. But I'm not! I tell you all this to show you God's amazing ability to give peace and grace through difficult times. God has given me such a calm spirit that truly surpasses my comprehension. Seriously, normally I wouldn't be so calm! However, He has shown me what I do have and what does work in my life. That material possessions are so very temporary, and that life is so much more than that. Also, He will provide! In mighty ways, He will provide. It still stinks that I don't have a camera, a working phone, or a well-working computer...but all I can do is shrug my shoulders, say that it is just life, praise God for what I do have, and keep on moving.

NOPE, WE'RE NEVER GOING BACK TO OK...OK...OK...

2010-08-07T16:31:00.000-05:00

We just didn't get enough camp dancing this summer, so we had to do it in the middle of a courtyard of the Wawel Castle in Krakow.

*This was actually not our idea. We met up with the Poland intern team, and it was THEIRS!

Sit back and enjoy!

And, yes, that is a Polish guard/police guy coming to stop us at the end of the video. We're just rebels, aren't we!

TIMES THEY ARE A MOVIN'

2010-06-12T16:31:00.002-05:00

Check out this video from the camp we did this past week at a boys' prison/rehabilitation center in Horodok, Ukraine. It's sweet!

Video of English Camp at Boys' Prison

Here are some pictures to tie you over until I get some of my own on here...I kinda ganked them off of Ben & Kristy's blog. Enjoy! :-)

our JV summer team (6 interns!)

all of us leaders (interns + New Life church in Lviv) for the Horodok camp

us and the boys at Horodok!

JUST NEEDS TO...

2010-05-23T17:32:00.001-05:00

SUCK IT UP!!

those are my thoughts for today

THANK YOU CREED

2010-05-17T10:15:00.000-05:00

With arms wide open...that's what I'm trying to do now with my life and my stuff. Last week I lost my favorite ring--which I wear everyday--my cell phone, and the use of both my computers. My Mac just decided to stop working, and the charger to my Dell doesn't work thus meaning I can't use my Dell as it's out of battery. I feel like God's trying to tell me something. Maybe? Not sure. It could just be coincidence. Or not. Either way...here I am, holding my hands/arms wide open.

2 YEARS TODAY

2010-04-30T08:25:00.000-05:00

Two years ago today I boarded a plane to start my life as a full-time missionary in Ukraine. Yep, today is my two-year anniversary of living overseas. I can't believe it's been two years! It's gone by extremely fast yet slow at the same time. Weird, I know. Life. I made cupcakes for a dinner I'm going to tonight, thus I'm naming them my special two-year anniversary cupcake treats.

April 30, 2008 - Leaving for the airport in Rogers, AR

April 29, 2008 - Hanging out my last night in the States

HAPPY TWO YEAR ANNIVERSARY TO ME!

MY MOM THE OREO

2010-04-25T14:22:00.004-05:00

It made my day seeing this hilarious sight on skype yesterday. Oh my family!!

Explanation: My mom works for Kraft Foods, and they were having an event. They needed someone to be Mr. Oreo at this event, and my mom volunteered. Awesomeness ensued.

COFFEE PERKS (pun intended)

2010-04-24T07:54:00.007-05:00

SHUT UP! We now have a Gloria Jean's Coffee Cafe in Lviv!!

I walk in, keeping my expectations low so as not to be disappointed by the lack of American-ness, and was blown away. It is lovely. That really is the best way to describe it. Lovely and decadent. It's definitely an upscale-looking place. I am greeted by a sweet girl, smiling and telling me about the new cafe and deals. Today is free dessert day (with the purchase of a coffee, of course)! Score!! As I look around I am overwhelmed by how similar it is and the American-ness intact with a European flare. Overwhelmed by the by the both English and Ukrainian menu. No English is spoken by the cashier, but that's ok; I like to use my Ukrainian. I choose to partake in a basic iced mocha and free tasty treat. I ask the cashier which is the best and to give me that. She laughs. My original plan is to take my coffee and go (because you can! it is now the 3rd place in Lviv that you can get coffee to go!), but instead I am lured in by the posh yet welcoming decor. After giving in to the urge of being touristy and taking pictures, I proceed to sms everyone I know who would appreciate this fantastic discovery.

Free wifi, coffee to go, English menu, Starbucks-like atmosphere (but nicer and less commercial), a guy with an iPhone, no smoking, smiling staff...I almost feel like I'm not in Lviv, Ukraine. THEN I look out the window.

Signs in Cyrillic, women in spiked heals dressed to the nines for no other reason than it's a Saturday, men in pointy-toe shoes, cars parked on the sidewalks, more Adidas wear than you can count, men in head to toe black, a baboocya (grandma) on the street selling sunflower seeds out of a large, white bag, marshrutkas filled beyond the maximum occupancy, boys wearing the scarves of their favorite Ukrainian futbol club, bride after bride walking around getting their wedding day pictures taken in front of another statue or church...I am reminded where I truly am.

A smile comes across my face as I think of the progress this city is showing. Yes, a Gloria Jean's Coffee cafe is progress! Oh the joy this place will bring to foreigners (aka Americans) who live in Ukraine! The smile subsides. A bit of loneliness creeps in as I sit alone. Then I take the last drink of my tasty iced mocha--in the nice to-go cup, and the smile returns. Time to go. I think I'll go buy some cheap earrings now...and some lettuce, of course, cause it's Spring and I can. :)

HIGHLIGHTS (not the magazine)

2010-04-24T07:46:00.008-05:00

1) I dyed my hair blonde...it came out more of a strawberry blonde, not quite what I expected, but I'm diggin it.

2) Today I walked around in a short-sleeved shirt, jeans, and chacos. It seems like forever since I've been able to do that. BEAUTIFUL day!

3) I purchased some not-needed but wanted jewelry at the souvenir/art bazaar and refrained from spending too much for a painting I also do not need.

4) I took some fun pictures while walking all over the center of Lviv...as much as my hip would allow. Would've walked more.

5) I spoke Ukrainglish with a guy at the souvenir/art bazaar...it's fun to be able to speak a different language.

6) Eleven brides walked around with their wedding party taking pictures in front of statues, churches, fountains, and whatever else Lviv-ish they came across. Fun to watch them awkwardly yet joyfully meander through the streets among the crowds of people trying to get that perfect shot.

NOPE! NOT SPRING...

2010-03-12T07:19:00.003-06:00

Growing up, every winter--especially Christmas time--I remember hoping and praying for snow...just a little; it didn't have to be a lot. Though, the odds were pretty stacked against me as we went to Burburnett/Wichita Falls, Texas for Christmas, a place infamous for its year-round hot and dry weather. Every few years we'd have a dusting of snow, which satisfied me for the time being...the feel of the powder, like I was walking in a big bowl of snow cones! Getting to build things out of it, and see everything covered in a beautiful blanket of white. I thought that one day, when I "grew up", I would live somewhere that had more distinct seasons, and I would have my beautiful, snowy winter every year.

Reflecting on the winter wonderment I had a child, I sit here looking outside my window in Lviv, Ukraine watching snow pour from the sky. However, my feelings today are so very far from what they were back then. Rather than watching the snow in awe, I sit here irritated and cursing the little white flakes as they cover the ground. I got my wish...however, I'm over it. It's supposed to stop at some point right? I also love Spring....when is that going to come huh? It's March! MARCH! It's supposed to snow in December-February...or maybe some in November, but not in October (which it does here) and definitely not in March. Lord bring us Spring! Now my hopes and prayers have changed to green grass, flowers blooming, fresh colorful vegetables, sunshine warming my face, and being able to walk down a dry sidewalk without worry of slipping on ice and breaking a hip.
*sigh*
But it is pretty, isn't it? :-)

SPRING ???

2010-03-05T07:56:00.003-06:00

Rather than attempting to catch up on the crazy amount of time that has passed since my last post, I figure I'll just start from now. Right now, I'm wondering if Spring is here or not. This was just the other day:

It's been wonderful like this for the past week or so...but, alas, today it is snowing. What the mess?! Why, Lord, must you toy with my emotions in such a way?!?!

SURREAL

2010-01-03T17:59:00.004-06:00

Since I was a kid I have always wanted to go to two places: New York and Venice. I mean, there are other places that sound cool that I'd love to visit...honestly I want to go everywhere...but these two places seriously I have always always wanted to visit. As of yesterday--January 2, 2010--I can say I have been to both of those places. Man, I feel so blessed!

Venice - August 28, 2009

New York City - January 2, 2010

Now time for a two new places to dream about!

CAN OFFICIALLY SAY "PHILLY" LIKE I'VE BEEN THERE

2009-12-31T10:17:00.003-06:00

I'm currently in New Jersey visiting some great people who have been coming to Ukraine for English camps the past three years. I'm having a blast, and I've only been here about two days! Yesterday my friend Steph had a day of surprises for me. We started the day with a surprise visit from friends Erik & Lauren Vagen (the college/young adult pastor & wife from the church), who then took Steph and I to Philadelphia, PA. I was so excited because I've never been. I welcome all opportunities to visit new cities and states. We had a great time! They took me to this market, which reminded me so much of the outdoor markets in Ukraine (but with WAY better food), then had some Mexican food for lunch, then a no-brainer stop at Starbucks, THEN a trip to MACY'S (never been there) to see a light show and Charles Dickens display thingy. *sigh* We walked all around downtown, even through China Town smelling the sweet smells of...well...not sure what that was. It was so much fun. The night skyline was beautiful as we drove back to NJ.

Our family photo at Macy's. Those large stuffed animals are just so enticing!

Steph & I then headed to a Ukraine Team 09 reunion get together, before which I was surprised with dinner. We then proceeded to one of the student's houses to kick it old school, look at some pictures, dance about, and just reminisce. It was just perfect really. A wonderful day. Let's do it again!!

SNOWED IN...IN TEXAS?!?!

2009-12-25T11:42:00.002-06:00

We are currently in Burkburnett, TX and stuck. Snuggled in at my Meme's house, we watched as a blizzard blew and blew yesterday. I took tons of pictures...this just does not happen in Texas. This is only the 2nd white Christmas in Texas I have ever seen, no lie. It is intense. We were thinking this would delay our exit back to Arkansas this morning, thinking it would be as bad as it is. Brooke & Garrett barely made it back to their hotel room last night, as snow was up to Brooke's knees and my dad & uncle David drove them in the only car we all have that's capable of semi-making the trip. This morning I woke up to, "We're not going anywhere. All roads to and in Oklahoma are closed, [we have to go through OK to get to AR) so just enjoy the day." What?! This is wild. I mean, the snow/roads here is/are bad. However, I have seen roads as bad or far worse in Iowa & Ukraine, and people were just driving around as all was normal and fine. I suppose they're used to it there, though. Here in the South, not so much. :-)
I'm happy, though, to be stuck at Meme's house. I'm taking this as the Lord's way of deciding 2 days were just not enough to spend with my extended family. Enjoying it!

MAMA, I'M COMIN' HOME!

2009-12-22T20:29:00.002-06:00

Lovin' on some Target.

Back in the States after 1 year and 7 months. It's been super good...extremely busy and exhausting, but good. I'm now on the family Christmas tour: 1st Christmas-Rogers, AR; 2nd Christmas-Edmund, OK; 3rd Christmas-Burkburnett, TX; 4th Christmas-Rogers, AR. Whew! Good times.

New Stuff

2009-12-07T15:23:00.001-06:00

LIFE'S TWISTS & TURNS

2009-11-07T12:25:00.008-06:00

I got in a car accident this week. It sucked. I cried a lot. Everyone's ok...just sore. I've been laying down a lot, trying to nurse my soreness to a point when I can walk normally and not like an 80-year-old woman. I'm almost there! Anyway, I say all this to applaud my great friends and loving family. Seriously. I am super blessed. My parents have called me every day since then to check and see how I'm doing. Wednesday night (day of the accident), my sister called me every two hours (until she went to bed) to make sure I was ok and not suffering from a fatal concussion or something. The Hughes are fantastic; I feel completely loved by them. The Ukrainians I have talked to have pleaded for me to go to the doctor--which I didn't do, cause I'm fine really--to make sure I'm completely fine. My friend Yulia especially. She came over on Thursday and tried to help me out with anything I needed, though I didn't need anything. She was happy to find that I needed to take out my trash, so she made me say yes to her doing it.

So, "who is Yulia?", you may ask. Yulia is a 19-year-old girl whom I have been meeting with weekly. She is the sweetest thing! I met her at the church I formerly attended here in Lviv, and now she actually goes to the church I moved to. There is such a spirit in Yulia that immediately drew me in. She has such a beautiful heart for God and for youth ministry, though she is a youth herself. She continues to become more and more involved with our "youth group" (not technically a youth group in the typical sense, as 98% of the students are not Christians). She has such leadership potential! I can totally see her leading it all one day. When we get together it's such a sweet time of getting to know each other better--both in English and in Ukrainian. It's so fun to sit back afterwards and reflect on how in the world we were able to communicate on the level we did. I'm getting to know her deeper, beyond the "what are you studying" and "do you like Lviv" shallow questions. It's nice. It's good to have someone to connect with and feel like I'm pouring into. It's been a while. Yulia is soaking it all in. As am I.

CHANGE OF PLANS

2009-10-30T06:43:00.003-05:00

This weekend our team was planning on going to Ternopil (one of the cities we do camps with). However, now this has happened:

http://www.ukranews.com/eng/article/227980.html.

The city has officially been quarantined, and the churches we were going to meet with have canceled their services and other activities. Even people here in Lviv are walking around wearing surgical masks! This is crazy! Forget the swine flu; we get pneumonia! PRAY that none of us gets sick.

WHAT THE WHAT?!?!

2009-10-30T06:16:00.004-05:00

SNOW IN OCTOBER!

I am a big fan of Fall. This put a bit of a damper on this lovely time of year, though it was pretty. Thankfully it only lasted about a week. We are now walking straight into winter, or so it feels. Three pretty yellow and red leaves are hanging on for dear life! Persevere! Don't give up! Not yet! Keep Fall here just a little bit longer! PLEASE!

MY PRETTY APARTMENT - A PICTURE STORY

2009-10-30T06:02:00.008-05:00

The occurrences from September 24 - October 16

New project which started yesterday

Yep.

A DATING CONFERENCE?

2009-10-01T07:43:00.004-05:00

Our youth leaders at church decided we needed to have a dating conference. It is fantastic how organized and prepared our group is! They've been planning this for over a month. However, when it comes to promotion, creativity is sometimes lacking. So when they asked me for some ideas of how we can more creatively promote the Dating Conference, I let 'em have it! At first they laughed off my idea, but when they saw I was serious they gave me the reigns. Here was my suggestion:

This is Max (one of my students) and I playing the parts of boyfriend and girlfriend. My idea was to make a scene while passing out flyers. Rather than just going to one of Lviv's universities and passing out flyers that they will throw away minutes later, I thought let's give them something they will remember and make them look twice at that flyer! So Max and I (more so I, as you can tell) got all dressed up and situated ourselves right in the middle of a large group of students at Lviv Polytechnical University. We then proceeded to act out a fight scene. It started with him giving me some flowers then escalated to us yelling at each other...me yelling in English and him in Ukrainian--this was to show how men and women sometimes seem like they're speaking different languages and just don't understand each other. The fight ended with me yelling "Men!", Max yelling "Women!" (in Ukrainian), and standing arms folded facing away from each other in frustration. Igor then came out, made an announcement, and others passed out flyers. So many students just stood there starring, shocked at what was going on. Alot of students laughed, and everyone got a flyer. Not sure how affective it was, but we sure had a great time! We'll see who shows up!

I KNOW, I KNOW

2009-09-25T07:15:00.015-05:00

Again, it's been a while. I know this. I wasn't home & didn't have access to internet most of the month of August. I do, however, appreciate all the requests to update my blog. It's nice to hear people are reading it. SO...here are some more pictures, cause I know you all love pictures.
What I did in August/beginning of September:

End of the summer trip to Poland - U2 Concert!! (JV team + summer intern Collin)

My Beauties at JV Kids Camp (Gwyneth, Jillian, Kendra, & Daci)

JV Kids Camp - Wild & Crazy Day

VACATION in ITALY!! (in Riomaggiore, Cinque Terre Area)

"New Year" Party with our Students

I got to be in a skit! I was the stupid American student, who knew no Ukrainian. Nice.

Posed with some other hot models for my birthday!

JV Fall Leadership Conference - 2009 Theme: "Passing the Baton". Fall Conference is the JV conference which all JV countries invite some of their national youth leaders to come to and learn about leadership, discipleship, evangelism, etc. It's such a unique opportunity not only for us all to grow in ministry knowledge, but also to bond as JV and National (Ukrainian) Church teams.

Our Ukraine group - This is the most people we have ever brought to conference! It is so exciting to see how the Lord is blessing our ministries and growing our youth leaders to reach this country. Such a great group!

There ya go! This is what I've been up to the past month and a half. I hope these pictures suffice for right now. As I am staying put for a while (until November), I will have more time and opportunities to get back to consistent blogging. Also, don't forget to check out the "Life Snapshots" photo links in the right-hand column to see more pictures from this summer and..well..life!

STEP ONE of UPDATING: PICTURES

2009-08-13T15:24:00.011-05:00

LOTS OF PICTURES!!!

First, check the "Life Snap Shots" links on the right...lots of great albums there of the summer and before.

Second:

Winning the Amazing Race to Intern Training in CZ

Syava and I having a lovely time at the park in Ternopil during a pre-camp visit

Prison Camp at Horodok

My FANTASTIC Small Group at the Christ Fellowship Tent English Camp

My PASSIONATE, amazing English class at the New Life English Camp

Our "home" for 5 days on the Bethany Rafting Camp

more to come...

ONE MORE!!

2009-07-26T17:32:00.002-05:00

I know it's been far too long since I have posted. For that I apologize. It's just been one super crazy busy summer. I only have one more camp, then I promise to blog your brains out! You will be overwhelmed by the picture and story goodness that will be present! It will literally rock your face off! BE PREPARED!

HORODOK - BOYS' PRISON ENGLISH DAYCAMP

2009-06-17T13:47:00.011-05:00

Walking into the "prison" I expected little ... I expected bad behavior ... I expected to feel suspicious ... I expected to feel uncomfortable ... I expected trashy ... I expected so very little. God completely crushed my expectations within the first hour.

Last week we had our first English camp of the summer. It was in Horodok (city right outside Lviv) at a boys' prison. They call it a prison, but it's more like a social rehabilitation center for 9 to 16-year-old boys who have committed crimes ranging from theft to murder (so no stripped suits, armed guards, and bars; just a camp facility-type set up with a wall around it & guarded gate). Ben & Kristy's church (New Life) has been working with this facility for a long time, and they thought this summer we should try an English camp. As I said, I had such low expectations of the week and, honestly, was a little nervous of how it would go. I just wasn't that into it. My mind was all over the place, but I NEVER thought I'd come out feeling the way I do now. Hands down, that camp was one of the most influential camps I have ever done. I feel forever impacted by those boys.

While watching the soccer game, amazed by the skill of some of the boys, I decided to go sit by Oleg and try to start a conversation with him. Anticipating a mediocre and fruitless talk--as my Ukrainian still leaves much to be desired--I was blown away by Oleg's desire to talk to me and perseverance through the language barrier. We talked about our favorite sports, the Lviv city center, where he lived in Lviv, and how beautiful the city is. I then asked him about living in the prison. He'd only been there three months and has three years to go. I don't know why Oleg is in there...didn't think I should ask. I do know that he is one of the sweetest boys, and all I wanted to do the rest of the week was hug him and connect with him as much as I could.

I had similar talks in the days that followed. Talks with Sasha, Andre, Igor, Vitya, and others. We talked about silly stuff like movies and food, but I also got to share why I live in Ukraine and why I was there to serve them that week. I just couldn't get it. I still don't. I just couldn't figure out why they were in there. How could those boys do anything to merit being in prison! I expected punks and jerks, but God gave us polite young men who were willing to talk, listen, and participate in just about everything. Sure there were a couple guys who were the exception, but two out of 19 ain't bad! Sometimes the chaperons were more of a pain than the boys! There was something so different about these boys. Yes, they are alleged criminals, but there's more. Some seemed sad, lonely, and hard; you could see in their eyes the hard life they have already lived. Others acted as though this was the best week of their lives; a little love and kindness is all they needed. I've never seen someone get so excited about winning the Human Knot game as I saw a boy did last week. He just kept hugging me, cheering, and grinning from ear to ear.

My heart hurts just thinking about those boys. I wanted to hug them all and tell them I love them and, more importantly, that God loves them...more than any screwed up parent or relative they've ever known...more than any friend...more than anything that got them where they are. I'm not sure why being there hit me so hard...why I was so affected. Maybe it's because I was in a place where depravity, sinfulness, is so known/blatant that I just felt such urgency to love...like I only had five days before the world ended and the opportunity would be lost! Why is it so much harder to do that in "the real world"...so much harder to feel that? I want to feel that at every camp...no matter how exhausting it is and how hard it is on my heart.

I pray they felt loved. I pray they saw something special and different in us. I pray some made steps toward Christ. I pray I get to see them again. I am so thankful for those boys and the experience I had last week. I'm thankful for the reminder of why I'm here.

Here's a short video of us playing the game Mingle with the boys. I hope to put more videos up soon. Also check out the "Snapshots" for pictures. AND go to Ben & Kristy's blog for more stories and pictures.

For those who don't know the game Mingle and are a bit confused by the video, here's how it works: You run around aimlessly saying "mingle mingle mingle", then the leader calls out a number. You have to find that many people then squat down. The last group to squat (or if you don't have the right number of people) is out. It's a fun, silly game.

FOUR COUNTRIES IN THREE DAYS

2009-06-08T10:10:00.007-05:00

Just last week we were at JV Summer Intern Training. Training is always kicked off with JV's own mini-version of the Amazing Race. It's intense, exhausting, super cool, and worth all the crap we go through! :-) Each country (9 this year, I think) has its intern teams, and we all race against each other. This year all interns flew into Vienna, Austria, and as soon as they all got in the race began. We had to go all over Vienna conquering challenges like finding this statue and that church, getting locals to say something in another language, and searching an amusement park to name pictures! It was an insane but super fun first day. The day ended with a train ride to Bratislava, Slovakia. Much to our amazement we came in first place the first night (along with Czech Team Leah--we held hands and shared the first place victory)! The second day was much more trying. We had to make our way to Budapest, Hungary, climb mountains (well, they felt like mountains to me), eat super crazy spicy soup, act out a movie scene with a local, and balance baseball bats on our hands. It was a crazy day! We then went back to Bratislava. AGAIN much to our surprise, we got first place the second day. Day three mainly consisted of a small "find this statue" challenge in Bratislava then making our way to Malenovice, Czech Republic, where all our conferences/trainings are held. It was a blur really, BUT we made it all in one piece. The end result from all three days and all challenges...VICTORY TEAM UKRAINE!! Every year we have gotten third place (three years straight), and finally we have broken the cycle!

At Prater Park in Vienna. We finished the challenge & decided to celebrate with silliness...as always.

Team Picture on top of this monster hill in Budapest...Syava (far right) and his friend Ura made our "Jesus Loves Ukraine" t-shirts! They're awesome! So many amazing conversations and interactions came out of our t-shirts...plus you could always spot us coming!

We made it!

COUPLING

2009-05-22T17:08:00.004-05:00

What is it about Spring/warm weather that makes everyone pair up? The other day I walked outside, pleasantly surprised by the lovely warm weather (it has been chilly earlier this month). As I walked through the nearby park area I noticed something rather interesting: pairs, or couples rather...everywhere! Everywhere I looked there was a man and a woman paired up having their own little one-on-one time! No lie! Where did all these couples come from?!

I have been walking this particular path at least twice a day for a year, and never have I seen such a sight. She's on his lap. He's on her lap! They're making out. He's whispering something in her ear. His hands on her rear, and hers in on his (very Sixteen Candles). This couple has contorted themselves into a human pretzel while maintaining their make-out session--I stopped to applaud them...ok, not really. They're looking longily into each others eyes. She's feeding him. He's tickling her. Giggle giggle giggle. Poke poke poke. End scene.

You may be thinking, "oh, Brittney, you're just imagining all that. I'm sure not everyone was coupled up." Wrong. It's true. No exaggeration. I mean, I really did consider this...that maybe my singleness is only allowing me to see what I do not have because of some inner desire to have such a relationship, but in this situation this is not the case. Where have all these couples been? What is it about the warm air of spring that makes people pair up? Or was it that they were already paired up, but it was too cold to make-out outside...so they were reduced to doing such things inside, less visible to all passersby. Sure. Maybe that's it.

Side Note: I'm not so much bothered by the PDA. Having been here for a while, I'm kinda just used to it, though it can sometimes get a little ridiculous. That's not what the post is about. I was just shocked by all the couples and how weird it seemed that literally everywhere I looked there was a couple. Rather than some families, singles, friends, and couples all walking around, it was just couples.

ONE YEAR

2009-05-02T09:12:00.004-05:00

April 30, 2009...two days ago...was my official moving overseas one-year anniversary. Wow. I can't believe I've been here for a whole year. It has gone by so fast, yet so slow at times. I can, with full confidence, say that this has been one of the hardest, most growing years of my life. I have learned so much about myself and about my relationship with my Heavenly Father. For the first time I really feel a year older and wiser. hahaha There's so much to reflect upon, and so much to look forward too. We shall see what this next year brings! Here we go!

I had the opportunity to spend my anniversary with my parents in Prague! This is the amazing view from our apartment.

THEY'RE HERE!!

2009-04-28T16:33:00.003-05:00

My parents are in Lviv, and we are having a great time! I'm so happy to have them here. It's been almost a year since I've seen them (skype video chat doesn't count). We leave for Prague tomorrow to continue our sweet time together.

In front of the Opera House

And people wonder where I get my weirdness

WET MONDAY

2009-04-20T09:51:00.002-05:00

Today is the day after Easter in Ukraine. They follow the Orthodox calendar as far as holidays go. Part of this tradition is Wet Monday, which is the Monday after Easter Sunday when boys are allowed to soak unsuspecting ladies in water. This is considered lucky for the victims. I had forgotten about this tradition until I got off the marshrutka to walk home after our team meeting. As I was walking past a major square, I noticed a large group of guys pouring water all over these poor girls...well, maybe the girls were playing along, but still. I saw this and began to walk faster just incase I was deemed the next victim. Thankfully I passed the crowd unnoticed and confidently continued my walk home. I was almost to my street when I looked ahead and saw two guys with water bottles in hand. I quickly looked down to the ground, hoping they hadn't noticed me. Unfortunately, though, they did. I watched, via peripheral vision, as they began to pull up more, fuller bottles of water preparing to strike their next victim...ME! You could tell they were getting excited about dousing me with water, so it was even more fun for me to watch their disappointment as I turned down my street just a few feet from where they were standing! HAHA! I rushed quickly to my building door, just incase they decided to come after me. Today I escaped my first Ukrainian Wet Monday.

SPRING IS WINNING

2009-04-18T10:00:00.004-05:00

Fall has always been my favorite season. All the colors and the cooler air. After long hot summers, Fall is just such a gift. However, lately the weather has just been so beautiful here in Lviv. Winter was so long, cold, and dark. I usually like cold weather, but months upon months of it was far too much for me. Spring has been such a blessing. I just walk outside, feel the sun shining on my face, and I look up--soaking it in--thanking God for the day. Flowers are blooming...the trees outside my window now are sprouting green leaves and white flowers. Life is happening, and I am in awe.

Another perk are the flowers and fresh fruit and vegetables that you can by at the street markets all over the city. Today I went out and bought some lovely vegetables, and treated myself to some beautiful flowers! They are so inexpensive, that you just can't help to partake. I feel so alive. Who knew Spring could have such an affect on a person?! Spring is definitely quickly becoming my favorite season.

Update: Cameron went back to Metro this week, and she brought me back a special present. She found more bags of salad, which you can buy separately! She bought me one. I was thrilled. Smiles all around.

NO SALAD FOR YOU!!

2009-04-06T14:52:00.003-05:00

Cameron and I ventured to Metro (the Ukrainian version of SAM's) the other day, which is typically quite a joy for me. You can find all sorts of things at Metro that you normally can't find anywhere else. It's fantastic. During this particular visit I found something that gave me so much joy...I could barely contain myself!! What was it, you may ask. Well, it was *cue beacon of light and angelic music* A BAG OF SALAD!! Yes, that is correct. I beautiful, pre-packaged plastic bag filled with mixed greens making a lovely salad mixture. I enjoy salad very much, and it is often quite difficult to find lettuce--of any kind--here. I was so excited. I grabbed two bags, anxious to relish in the eating of a lovely salad with salad dressing for dinner.

Here's where the tragedy comes in. I get to the cashier, she is ringing up all my items, and she gets to the bags of salad. They perplex her. Salad in a bag apparently is quite a shocking site. I didn't understand. She set them aside and told me to wait. I waited...and waited...and waited...and waited. The cashier and two other women kept taking the bags of salad back and forth from one podium to another. It was very dramatic. All the while I'm standing there trying to figure out what the deal was. Finally it was revealed. The bag kept ringing up a pretty high price, which didn't seem right to the cashier. After all the inspection, she turns to me and tells me that I can not buy the sweet, beautiful packages of salad goodness. I was completely distraught. It turned out that I wasn't allowed to buy the packages by themselves; you have to buy the entire pallet of bags of salad. What?! Needless to say I don't need 100 bags of salad, no matter how much I like salad. I was super depressed. I'm not gonna lie, I almost started to cry. No salad for me.

Some day we will meet again

MY WEEK

2009-03-25T17:34:00.005-05:00

GIRL TALK

2009-03-22T18:27:00.003-05:00

All the single ladies...all the single ladies...put your hands up!
Ok, no, I'm not going to quote the whole song; I just thought it was an appropriate beginning to this post. So...I'm single. I'm 28, and I'm single. Lately, this has been a prominent topic in my head. I've actually had trouble sleeping because it's in my head and won't go away. Sometimes I just go through these phases when it's a more primary issue than other times...now is one of those times. I'm definitely not feeling the "I'm single, and I'm proud!" emotion right now. It's more like "Ya, I'm single *cue 'wha wha' sound, then sigh*".

I recently read an article about the term "singles". It was about how that can be a derogatory term, and how we ("we" being the unmarried) should be looked upon as more than that and what the label entails. Then it says that "celibate" is a better term. I disaggree. I think "celibates" has an even bigger label to it than "singles"! Sure the term basically means obstaining from sex, but it's also looked upon as a lifelong choice...like with nuns. I am no nun, nor do I want to be. I don't know about you, but I have no intention of throwing that term around anytime soon. At church I choose the singles group over the celibate group any day. Some people feel called to celibacy, but not this chick.

Then I read a sermon about singleness, hoping it would help me out of my current fixation on my marital status...nope, it didn't. It was more about being eunuchs...no comment.

I know there are many gifts and priviledges that come with being single. I can travel to a different country for Jesus without having to worry about separation anxiety from my boyfriend or if my husband has the same calling. I am learning all about myself, the ins and outs of me. I have the opportunity of learning to lean, and practice leaning, on God for everything rather than others. There is an intimacy I can experience with my creator than may only be experienced when you are alone. I can sleep on both sides of the bed any time I want, or I don't have to clean up anyone else's excess hair!! Nonetheless...I know these things...I embrace them...I remind myself of them daily...sometimes it's just harder than others. It's one of those times.

NEWISH PICTURES

2009-03-18T03:41:00.002-05:00

Check out the new...ish pictures in the "Snapshots" link. Goodtimes had by all...and more to come!

SO MUCH TO SAY, BUT TOO LAZY TO SAY IT NOW

2009-03-16T15:41:00.005-05:00

So, ya, a lot has been going on lately. I've been stinkin busy. I don't really have time, nor the energy, to give a full update. Thus I will just post a couple pictures of my NEW BED! YAY! Cameron and I went to IKEA in Poland and got me a bed. I'm super excited about it. It's comfortable and pretty--a great combo.

My New Bed!

My Super Cute New Bathroom Organizers

The New "Guest Bedroom" aka The Living Room...I had no where else to put the old bed.

WE MAY NOT LEARN MUCH, BUT WE WILL HAVE FUN!

2009-02-09T14:38:00.005-06:00

I have been teaching a conversational English club with one of the local churches here (Christ Fellowship) for three months now. For an hour and a half I teach elementary/beginner-level English, then for the same amount of time I teach the intermediate/advanced-level. We started with about 6 students, and have grown to 14! I am having a great time with these students! I'm not sure how much they're actually learning, but we're having tons of fun in the process.

The students are between the ages of 16-19 (high school & university students), and they constantly challenge me. The beginners class is the hardest because I'm used to teaching advanced (what I always do at English camp), but it is also so rewarding. I am really forced to use what Ukrainian language I have learned. It's such an adventure every week! Plus they all get a big kick out of listening to me speak Ukrainian--or rather struggle through it. All of these students are non-Christians, which is actually really refreshing. It's a clean slate with them. They aren't fake, and are open and honest about where they are in life. Being from Ukraine--a religious culture--they of course know about God, but they don't have that intimate relationship with Him. The closer we all become the more they trust me and the more open/transparent they become. They are a wonderful bunch of students, and I am so blessed to be their teacher!

This week everyone is coming over to my apartment, and we're going to cook two American dishes (per their request--they wanted to learn to make "American food"). We're making apple pie and chicken pot pie. We'll see how it goes!

CAN I TAKE YOUR PICTURE?

2009-01-24T16:09:00.003-06:00

FINALLY I have uploaded my Christmas 2008 pictures! Just click on both links "Christmas Time 2008a&b" (I had too many for just one album). Check em out!

SERIOUSLY?!

2009-01-20T12:20:00.002-06:00

I just read this on the Drudge Report:

"Benediction at Obama 's inauguration, Rev. Joseph Lowery: 'Lord, in the memory of all the saints who from their labors rest, and in the joy of a new beginning, we ask you to help us work for that day when black will not be asked to get in back, when brown can stick around... when the red man can get ahead, man; and when white will embrace what is right. That all those who do justice and love mercy say Amen. Say Amen'..."

Seriously? Did he really say that?! Come on!

DOUBLE TIME

2009-01-12T15:55:00.003-06:00

"You are double! Two Brittney's!! Wow."
from almost everyone who met Brooke while she was in Ukraine

TALKING

2009-01-01T16:29:00.003-06:00

I have had a lot of talks the past few weeks. So many talks. Some great, some not-so-great. Some easy, some hard. Such is life. God has really been working on my communication skills since I have moved to Ukraine. I really thought I was good at it until God smacked me upside the head, making me realize that I got issues in that department. It's good, though. I forget sometimes that me being here isn't just about what He's doing through me but also about what He's doing in me. My mind and heart are full right now...I have a lot to process.

MY FIRST UKRAINE CHRISTMAS

2008-12-25T15:07:00.006-06:00

I'm so glad to share my first Christmas in Ukraine with Brooke & Garrett. Really...I'd probably be sitting in a pool of depression and pitty rather than going out and about town enjoying the festivities around us. It's wonderful! Lviv is beautiful this time of year--all lit up and snowy--and it's so fun showing my family around...even exploring new places I have never been. I still miss home, my family back in the states and the traditions we have, but it's nice to have a piece of that here. MERRY CHRISTMAS!! Hope yours is just as eventful and joyful!

Kumpel - New brewery/restaurant we went to for Christmas..super good!

Brooke & I in center; it's all lit up and beautiful.

THEY'RE HERE, AND ALREADY TRAMATIZED

2008-12-22T17:20:00.004-06:00

Brooke and Garrett rode their first marshrutka today. I LOVE sharing this experience with marshrutka-virgins. I personally feel marshrutkas are the devil's vehicles, so it is enjoyable for me to see others come to the same realization. Brooke almost got pushed off and left as we shoved ourselves on. I quickly grabbed her hand and held it as tightly as I possibly could...NO SISTERS LEFT BEHIND!...she was scared. The look on their faces, especially Brooke's, was priceless. Finally the crowd filtered a bit and we came to our destination. At that point we were able to debrief a little about their experience. Now they know and understand the marshrutka experience.

I'm SO Happy!

Our European Smiles

STRIKES ARE STUPID

2008-12-19T15:54:00.002-06:00

I'm at this moment laying in MY bed in MY apartment in...where...LVIV! "Where are you supposed to be, Brittney?" you may ask. Well, I am supposed to be in Budapest. I was supposed to arrive there via train this morning at 9:45am and then go to the airport to greet my sister and brother-in-law who flew in at 11:05am. Did that happen? No.

I go to the train station last night to start my journey to Budapest. As I rush up to where everyone pointed me to go (I had no idea which car to get on), I asked "Budapest toot (here)?" They said, yes but it's not going. WHAT?! After this woman said somethings to me in Ukrainian and I became more and more panicked, I could no longer process in Ukrainian. I asked if anyone there spoke English. Thankfully a man there did, and he informed me that the train workers in Budapest were/are on strike! SO...there are no trains going to Budapest. I just starred at him for a moment in shock. Finally mustering up some words, I asked what do I do now? Being of no more help to me...I walked away trying desperately not to break down on platform number 3.

I spent the rest of my night last night trying to find a way to Budapest to be with my sister and brother-in-law AND a way to get them back to Lviv. After lots of research and tons of help from my AMAZING, WONDERFUL, GORGEOUS friends we found a bus that went, but it would cost too much and would take way too much time...deeming it pointless. I then put all of my focus on getting them here. Two options have presented themselves:

A) Pray that the strike ends, and that they can train to Lviv on Sunday (they had already booked a place to stay until Sunday)

B) Bus to Kosice, Slovakia then take a train from there to Lviv. It'll be quite a trip, but right now that's the best looking option.

So there you have it. That is why I'm at my apartment and not with my sister in Budapest. I'm upset. I'm sad, angry, and...well...sad. I know I will see them soon, but I just really wanted to be there when they got in, ya know. It's been so long since I've seen them. Patience. Waiting. Strikes suck.

FRIDAY!!

2008-12-17T12:47:00.003-06:00

My sister and brother-in-law, Brooke and Garrett, are coming on Friday! I train to Budapest tomorrow to pick them up at the airport. I'm so excited!! It's so very unreal. Honestly, I'm not sure that I will truly believe they are here until I see them in my apartment...or on a marshrutka, cause that's very very Ukrainian.

My family life and my JV life have never collided, and finally it will. We will be spending lots of time in Lviv, letting them experiene a piece of my life here and to celebrate Christmas. Then we're going on a bit of a JV tour. I'm taking them to Czech, via Poland to hopefully meet the Hashes, to show them Malenovice Hotel, the JV offices, and lots of my JV friends in the area. It's such a blessing to finally have an opportunity to share another major part of who I am/where I came from with my JV family. YAY!!!

They're silly

PLAYING CATCH-UP

2008-12-13T07:06:00.002-06:00

The moment I got back from Czech Republic I got sick. I was basically an invalid for a week, thus my updates have fallen behind schedule. My bad. Blame my snot. SO...here's an update about the AMAZING Thanksgiving week I had! (pictures provided through the link in my "Life Snapshots" and in the previous post)

Sunday, November 23rd I got on skype to video chat with my family back in Arkansas. They were celebrating Thanksgiving that weekend because it was the best time for everyone to get together. As I chatted with my mom and cousins, I started getting sad. It was a sweet time, though, of still feeling like I was there…at least a little bit. THANKFULLY, every year Josiah Venture has a Thanksgiving Retreat for all the second and third culture missionaries who stay overseas during the holiday. At first I wasn’t planning on going because it’s so far to travel, but I am so glad I changed my mind!

We started the week off with only seven of us—a summer camp planning committee. We had meetings Monday-Wednesday afternoon. These were some of the best meetings I have been a part of! The meetings really lit a fire under me, getting me excited about next summer. We bathed every decision--every song, every talk, every clip, every design--in prayer. God truly led these meetings, and it was an honor to be a part of that.

Then came the rest of the JV families! We had such a fun time. I got to see all my Little Beauties, who I worked with at JV Kids Camp earlier this summer, as well as great friends. There was a traditional “Turkey Bowl” (American football) game before the big meal. I did play, and boy was my body angry at me the rest of the week. I was so stinkin sore! But it was totally worth it. The food was also amazing. Everyone brought something—I contributed muffins—and we were lacking for nothing. God provided in huge amazing ways…all the dishes we would’ve had in the states and more! Connie Patty even made a pecan pie--for the first time--just for me! Dave Patty, JV President, also spoke throughout the week. It was a impacting series on idols and what stands in our way of truly experiencing true worship. Dave did a fabulous job of really cutting to the core of what idols are and how we can recognize them in our lives. God never ceases to amaze me when I go to a JV conference. I always walk away penetrated and changed…in a good way.

Friday night I was invited to one of the older JV kid’s (Hannah Ellenwood) ball, which was amazing. We sat and watched the students do their fancy ballroom dances and competitions, and then it was our turn to get on the dance floor and break it down somethin fierce! It was so much fun and allowed me more time to get to know some of the JV kids even better. FINALLY, Saturday night was the JV Kids Talent show. I participated in the opening act, which was like a English camp dance on steroids. There was a large group of us who learned a dance earlier in the week, and performed it to kick off the talent show. The rest of the evening was filled with singing, dancing, instrument playing, comedy skits, videos, and much more. It was hilarious as well as shocking to see how extremely talented all the JV kids are. There's something in the water...but it's a special JV Talent-filled water! You can go here to watch videos
of these amazing kids.

The retreat was exactly what I needed. I still missed being with my family, but that was a great substitute.

I'M THANKFUL FOR...

2008-12-04T06:37:00.013-06:00

FAMILY

Skyping with my cousins at my parents house before Thanksgiving

FRIENDS

Don't know what I'd do without Katka & Laura! Those two weirdos in the back aren't so bad either.

FOOD

JV Family praying before our Thanksgiving meal

Dinner with some of the JV kids...I'm making that face on purpose

and FUN

So much fun in the annual JV Turkey Bowl...was super sore the rest of the week & I may have pulled something...but it was worth it!

Going to Hannah Ellenwood's ball...unfortunately I don't have a good picture of my hot date (Hayley Ellenwood) and I OR Hannah, so this will have to suffice. Believe me, though, we broke it down somethin' fierce!

The JV Kids Talent Show! This is Tyler Patty doin his "Backstreet Boys" thang...Katka and I are now his managers, as we have officially started the JV Talent Search Corporation

I am truly blessed.

(for more pictures, click on the links in my "Life Snap Shots" section)

MY FIRST SNOW!

2008-11-22T04:17:00.003-06:00

I keep the windows open in my bedroom because it gets super hot in my apartment. The people who run my building also decide when to turn on and how to regulate the heating, thus I have no control over how high or low I want the heater to run. This morning I woke up and looked out the window to survey the damages of what sounded like a big storm last night. I didn't see any damages, though, only a lovely blanket of snow! That's right it has officially snowed in Lviv. This is my first snow here...my first sign of winter (well, besides the paralyzing cold). It's pretty and way better than the constant rain we've been having. Ya know, this may even be the first time I have ever seen snow before Thanksgiving! It rarely ever gets this cold in Arkansas and Texas (where I ususally am for the holidays). Seems like this year I will have a white Thanksgiving and Christmas!
*cue song: "I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas"*

my building's courtyard with a fresh, light blanket of snow

I leave for Czech Republic on Monday. I'm going to attend our annual JV Thanksgiving Retreat. I'm really excited to spend this time with my friends and JV family. It's hard being away from home, from family, during the holidays, and I think it will help sharing this time with close friends who understand exactly how I feel. Plus there'll be turkey and all the fixins!!